The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am trying very very hard to work my programme. My A has disappeared again. He got sober last may. then had a slip in November. Has been sober again for around 10 weeks. In this time I have been taken out on dates, bought flowers treated how I desearve. Then bang the disease attacks again. I got on with my day fighting my negative brain the disease attacking me too. I came on here and read, read my books and went to a meeting one that I do not normally attend was just aware I needed it. When I came home rang my sponsor she said I was handling it well. Then I went to bed I have tossed and turned for two hours. I have come back on here to empty my head to see if it will help. I know I am powerless. I know its not personal ( god love him) its his battle.
but my brain starts saying is he with someone else. can I live with this forever.
He wont be with someone he is just getting smashed to run from life. At moment I want to run I am so tired, I do love him I feel guilty for thinking of leaving him I know he is sick, if I knew where he was I could just say its a slip. that is not what causing me the problem its not knowing where he is or who he is with, I do not trust him when he is out of it. whe he is sober he loves me and would not hurt me. But when he is drunk he is a fool.
I am angrey with me for letting this get to me I know the programme. So confused I have a decision to make will have to pray for guidance.
thanks for letting me vent hugs -- Edited by Tracy on Saturday 27th of February 2010 07:23:30 PM
-- Edited by Tracy on Saturday 27th of February 2010 07:46:52 PM
You are in the program and now it's the time to fall back on it. Don't worry or stress, you know that will not help. The most important thing for you to remember is ----He is in HP's hands and there is not a better place for him to be. Let go and let God----- allow yourself to have peace of mind. You have your program, MIP, your sponcer, and most important HP-------------You are never alone.
Double HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 27th of February 2010 08:26:08 PM
It is so important to own where we are so we can choose the right tools to get us to a safe place. Venting and seeing the negative voices of this disease are important. Pray, do not project, stay in the day and Let GO and Let God
None of tis is easy That is why we need each other.
(((((((((((((Tracey)))))))))), There is a page in Courage to Change and it speaks of worrying about future events and that it is pointless and even if we knew about the events ahead of time we wouldn't have been able to stop them anyway.
What I tried to remember during my marriage is that my husband meant the promises he made to me at the time that he said them. Trying to not take the actions of his disease personally was a continued struggle for me. It was hard not to feel hurt that he would "rather" get drunk of high with his buddies than spend time with the wife who loves him. But in reality the man I married was lost long ago to the disease.
This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. It pops its head up and the oddest times and sometimes without warning. Keeping busy is what helped me.
You are doing the right thing. You are taking care of you. You are not alone. Keep venting as often as you need to.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
