The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ex husband has an addiction that has progressed to a level that he has deserted my children. I am so tired I work ful time. Have the house to run, no help fincually , the chores, rearing two teenager. I do not know what I feel. Thanks to Al anon I know that he is ill and it is not personal. But this does not change the reality that I have all the responsibility.
Hp has been trying to guide me but sometimes I just do not get it till on my knees. I rent a house because my ex lost our home. I choose to pay high rent to rear my children in a nice area. I work full time in a job and I and trying very hard to have a successful career. I went to uni when I was thirty and was the first in my family I want to be a good role model for my kids.
When I met my current partner A I was very lonley and wanted rescuing I can see that now. But just got myself back in love with an addict and tried to change him, same problems different person.
Thanks to al anon i have learnt I can not change him. Thanklfully his Hp has gotten him into recovery and he is trying his best. We live apart and he is treating me better than he ever has. We have so much in common due to his addiction alcoholism ad mine co -dependency. We can chat on a level of spiritual understanding.
However at this time he can not be a partner fincually etc I still feel very over burdened and find myself sometimes feeling resentful. I know I need to be patient and I understand we are both where we need to be.
Been saying the serenity prayer I can not change ex I can not rush my boyfriends recovery. So what cn I change. I am so hard on myself. I do not take care of me. Its all about making it up to the kids cause their dad had deserted them. I am going to meetings , reading constantly trying to rush my recovery. I know keep it simple, take it eay.
at both my meetings this week the subject has been Balance my HP is trying to guide me and again I am not listening.
thanks for letting me share answered my own questions, sometimes i get it logically but putting it in to practice is another thing.
I just love it when I start writing (or talking) and answer my own questions or find my own solutions - especially when there are others around who recognize it and can provide the validation that is so important.
