The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First of all, I feel a strong urge to thank all Al-Anons for their support, love, and understanding and to remind you to always keep your chins up high, because after all, we are good people that actually do give a damn about our types of situations. If anything we are brave in understanding and confronting this disease that not only affects the alcholics but everyone around them.
----What a sad thing it is to not stay in touch with Al-Anon friends is all I am saying now. I really do need to get with the program. It seems that I cannot say anyting to anyone that does not practice Al-Anon without being judged.
There was a friendship that I started with this young 20ish woman (I'm 28) at school half a year ago and thought it was a frienship I would be able to confide in. I hadn't been going to Al-anon, so I thought, Ok, why not a new "normal" friendship. I've always had no problem keeping good long-term friends, yet not so much at school now it seems.
Well at the time she was kind of quiet and I introduced her to some other aquaintances that although I considered friends I still wasn't quite close to. For the past couple of weeks this woman has left me out of the circle now (in a surprisingly "high school/jr. high" sort of way) but she leaves me out purposley and of course, I definitley get the hint and do regret ever telling her anything though.
I"m wondering if she's tired of my "debbie downer" vibe off of me and just got tired of being my friend. It isn't my fault my husband relapsed and I had trouble taking my kids to her little girls birthday party because I had no gas money? I didn't know any other way to tell her, but to be honest because she was looking forward to us being there.
Anyway, I have been sort of hurt, but I do not wish to show this to her or anyone, instead I just keep to myself, participate in my classes joyfully, think about my already close loved ones, and do what I have to do.
I"m still hurt though, but I find it very immature to ask her what is wrong in our friendship ask I do not want to come off desperate and humiliated from saying anything any further.
Well for over a year I've had a challenging schedule with Al-Anon as why I am here online. I miss my Al-Anon friends, I've got to pick up my phone make phone calls, and I know that even if we aren't face to face, I got friends on here. I need to get into the fellowship, go to meetings, participate....... This is my life now, I choose to stay and face whatever I need to face with support and not be judged, but understood.
Aloha Rosie and thanks for the ((((hugs)))) ...felt good. You seem so aware as in program awareness (thank God for what you've learned) and you already have the solutions...which brings you to the second part of the Serenity Prayer...the courage to change. I hope that all you have to battle for the moment is some apathy and complacency as the program has a solution for that which I'm pretty sure you already know the solution for. No one understands about me outside of those who have worn my shoes and all of them are in the program. Pickup that 500 pound phone and make the call as soon as possible and of course you can ask for help from willing people who love you unconditionally.
Outside Al-Anon friends are okay and their missing a part of my experiences on which I can never hook up with them on. Love them anyway and turn them over.
I agree with Jerry (no big surprise there, since Jerry is almost ALWAYS right on the money, lol). I have friends both inside & outside the program, and for the most part, the ones outside of the program are missing a bit of something for the friendship to grow to the ultimate levels.... Similar thing with relationships - I am single, but am pretty much resolved to only date women who are life learners - whether it be program or not... .there is something to be said for those who want to learn and grow...
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank you guys......you know, it's not so bad having friends that are non-program people, but I realize that I need program and program friends in my current life.....in order to be able to deal with those who do not have 12 step in their lives :) thank you very much and glad to be here*** 500 pound phone? LOL, why does it seem to weight that much sometimes? It seems I just add that weight on myself!
The only thing I would say (and this is my own ESH) is that its pretty important in any relationship to have boundaries. If I am in a 12 step program its just as important for me to have those boundaries regardless of the "intimacy" of the program. There are reasons to have "casual" relationships as well as program friends. Sometimes casual is very very relaxing. I do not need to fix, coerce or make over friends any more. I can take them as they are. My expectations are realistic these days which I'm not sure I ever managed to do before.
