The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Long story short, I filed for divorce on Monday. My husband was still in California, partying night and day and ignoring his family and responsibilities. He has spent soooo much money---you would not believe how much.
So, now he came back. He's been calling on the phone all week, crying, begging, pleading and he made arrangements to go to rehab today--30 minutes from our home---his last rehab was 3000 miles away from us. He was able to stay away from us for an entire month--he wasn't worrying about staying together then but now he wants to stay together--for how long??? Until the next binge?? He knows he's an addict--never denied it--
I just needed to write this. I'm not changing a thing at this point. I've read alot of posts about how difficult a divorce is, especially with children and I've thought about that alot. I couldn't stay married to a person who was not supporting his family in any way.
I woke up yesterday morning and he was lying on the couch downstairs. He said he wanted to see the children. I told him to leave as I was getting ready to go to work and I didn't want the children to see him like that. I went to work and I allowed him to see the children in the evening and he stayed the night, now he is doing some yard work that suffered while he was away and he is off to rehab at 3p. Because of his choices, we will NEVER be out of debt. I work so hard to stay out of debt and he has ruined his credit and devastated our financial future. He has stolen my love, trust and any hope for a future together. What am I going to do now?? My 3 yr old is so happy to see his daddy. I hate what this is doing to our babies, I hate this disease!
I know what you are going through, I am currently in the process of divorcing my A husband of 10 years, it should be final in a month or so- I just couldn't do it anymore. I tried to keep my marriage together especially after we had kids- tried to have that "happy American family" until I realized that a marriage takes two to make the union work- NOT ONE! And I couldn't do it all on my own nor did I want to. It was a real tough decision and I am still grieving over it, my "illusion" of what my marriage once was, but I am now excited about moving forward and having some sanity back in my life.
I heard these quotes and this helped me to have the courage to continue to live for me...
"You tolerate the intolerable until you can no longer tolerate it"
I have absolutely NO advice for you. I have read some of your posts and I could've written them myself. My husband sounds so much like yours...party party party...ignore responsibilies, come back when he's ready, make the kids happy and miserable at the same time and completely dash any sense of peace I had accumulated while he was gone.
He's out right now and this is the last day he could see the boys before my parents took them 400 miles away. They will be staying with them for a week until I can get some things taken care of and move our things over there. You would think he would be here to spend the last night together but alcohol & drugs control his life once again.
Don't you wish there were someone who could tell you exactly what to do and when to do it so that you and you children can live the happiest lives possible? I have no idea what to do, or what the next day will bring with my husband and it's more than I can handle at times. (((HUGS))) to you and I pray that you are able to find some sort of peace and keep it...
Have been where you are. One thing I came to realize w/my husband was the first couple times he was only getting help in order to save the marriage. We got back together and he would resume drinking. I divorced him when he was about 8 months sober. But that time, he was getting sober for himself. And today, we are together.
We have to go through so much sometimes. I guess we hope we make the best decisions possible at the time and hope we have no regrets later. I've not made any decisions at the moment so I guess that's my decision right now. The divorce is still filed and I paid the lawyer a retainer and I definitely won't change any of that.
I don't have to decide right now, but I will need to decide if my hubby can come home after rehab---that's going to be a tough one. It will make my son happy--he's 3-- So for today I am happy with my babies and my life and I will decide when I have to decide.
Thank you so much for your shares. I know there are so many of you in similar situations--how sad is that??
