The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a phone interview on Friday that the interviewer didn't show up for. Getting the time off for that interview was like standing on my head and the company never seem to be able to make it at a time that is convenient for me.
That sent me into a tailspin of "poor me's" suddenly I was fed up if I had to stand in line, irritable and feeling like I'll never.....
One of my core issues is that I take it all so personally. I know I take personally people who are mentally ill all the time. I expect them to somehow overcome their disorder because I need them to. I took the ex A's behavior incredilby personally all the time. Truth is despite the tremendous damage he did me, the worst damage he did to himself. I did not know how to get out of the way then.
I live in such a la la land of make believe I think that since I've suffered nothing should be a problem now and life is a whole long series of problems.
On Friday they got the better of me and my mouth broke out in hives as a result.
Now I have to get back on track because I do deserve a better life and it isn't going to land in my plate with a magic wand attached.
First- I take everything personally--- trying to stop it!
and Second I've been off and on on this board ... you seem different. Perhaps healing comes in stages, you seemed angry last year and now you seem accepting, more peaceful and thinking about happiness. You are growing and it is so obvious to me after being gone for awhile.
Wishing you the best as you continue to love you, I know HP has something wonderful for you. I'm sure you know let go and let God in his time.
I also take things personally, at times, and am working to rethink that strategy. The good news for me is that, with help from my HP, I was able to look my A son, in the eyes yesterday when he made a poor choice and state that I did not know, nor have ever believed 'it' was intentional.
He has horrible self-control, and ADD - so take those and add in addiction and well....there's a walking offending person at every turn.
When I'm centered, and when I've started my day with my HP and remembered to turn things over, I am less likely to hold on to an 'offense' I try to personalize. For me, in my never-ending effort to be perfect, I would 'never' be late, miss a commitment or be a no-show ---- without the courtesy of a call/text/message.
But, no matter my habits and my values/beliefs, others have their own. It took me a while to realize that because others do/process/act and live differently doesn't make them right and me wrong, or vice-versa.
When I stay in the now and stay HP focused, I better deal. When I am not in the now, and focused on everything and nothing at all, I struggle to deal. So - learning to try the former cuz it feels better!
I believe your HP has a gr8 opportunity for you - it's perhaps just not yet time. ((((hugs)))) and hope today has been a better day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
GREAT AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE. I ALSO TOOK EVERYTHING PERSONALLY AND BELIEVED THAT BECAUSE I HAD FACED MANY DIFFFICULITIES IN MY LIFE I DESERVED AN EASY RIDE THE REST OF THE WAY.
MY HP HAD OTHER PLANS. LIFE ON LIFE''S TERMS DID NOT COME EASY TO ME BUT WITH THE TOOLS OF ALANON, LIVING ODAT, PRAYING, AND CONTINUING TO DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING I WAS LED TO A PLACE OF SERENITY, AND PEACE.
YOU HAD A SET BACK BUT RECOGNIZED IT AND ARE GOING BACK TO YOUR TOOLS. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION IS THE KEY
