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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> new to this
Post Info TOPIC: new to this
Cam


Newbie

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Posts: 2
Date:
new to this
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Hello I am Cam




  • I have just came back from the lodge where my wife is in treatment. This place has what they call family week where the family can participate for a week. The family learns about the disease and how it effects  the alcoholic and the rest of the people that are around the alcoholic. I now realize that in the last 10 years I have been under a lot of strain, in the sense that I would do almost any thing to keep the marriage together. I cleaned the house most of the time, done most of the yard work. Called in to her employers when she was working and told them that she was sick and couldn't come into work. She yelled at me and I didn't say any thing as I didn't want it to get out of hand , it was just as easy to let her win. She would blame me for things that I had never done. Have total control over the money. At the end I never new if she was daed or alive when I was working out of town. She never answered the phone and I would send over the neighbours to check up on her to see if she was dead or alive.

   


 This process takes place in the 3rd week of he 4 week treatment. I had always thought that it was her problem and how could it affect me. I have now learn't that she was manipulative. How she lied to me. Decieved me.


I have come to realize that this has had a profound effect on me as well and that I need help to recover as well. I will be attending meeting in my area when I am able to do so, because of my work I am in the north in semi isolation and its is not posssible for me go to a meeting.


I would like to know if this is a good place to talk about this problem and does anybody have any other suggestions.


 


Thank you


Cam 



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debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3131
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hi cam, welcome. Yes this place is great. I am pretty isolated too. Been at this spot for
five years now.

There is a chat room, and there are regular meetings there.

Cam I am very serene now and am living a program of recovery. My A's disease
had me very much in denial, and I did not realize how sick it made me either.

I got a lot of help from the book, "Getting Them Sober." It explains things in such a good way
Cam. Easy to understand too.

I am sorry to hear your wife is so sick. But if you go to alanon, and she cont. in AA
when she is home, you guys will have a good chance to make it.

Do come here a lot, my life is totally changed since I found this spot. You won't be sorry.

love,debilyn

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"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
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megan


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1161
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Hi Cam and welcome


This site is an excellent source of recovery for you.


Yes I see that you are realizing that you need to recover also.


There are online meetings in the chat room. I used them and this message board for months before I had trasportation to get to my face to face. I still attend online as well as face to face.


I am married 14 years, the last 3 very very tough after my alcoholic husband got fired. He drank 24/7 and my homelife was total insanity


I too did everything and anything to keep the peace in my home. In alanon they call it walking on eggshells.


I worked and brought home the money, I cooked, cleaned and was the emotional punching bag for my husband. He too controls the money, or did...


He would accuse me of all kinds of things, strange and hurtful.


I too travel alot for business and would never know if he was dead or alive. I spent countless hours and energy on trips worrying about him.


BUT through 1 year of alanon I have learned to take the focus off my A and onto myself.


I am  fixing what I can - myself. I am happier than I ever thought I could be. It is so much better now than I am living my own life instead of trying to fix my alcoholic


Keep coming back, so good to meet you



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Megan If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Maria123


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2055
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Dear Cam,


Welcome.  So glad you posted and that you wife is receiving treatment.  Now it's time to take care of you and your needs -- physical, emotional and spiritual.  In Al Anon, you will come to realize that taking care of yourself is not selfish, but called "self care" so you don't become resentful about giving up yourself when the other person is so self centered that they didn't even notice.


The message board is a wonderful "tool" we call it.  But also I would encourage you to attend face to face meetings.  Tell them you are a newcomer.  Al Anon is universal.  Most meetings have many similarities and we really reach out to newcomers.  We also suggest 6 different meetings because each meeting has a different "flavor" if you will.  You may not like one meeting but may find one you really like.


Finally, we do have online meetings.  They are very valuable.  Full of experience, strength and hope in dealing with alcoholism (a very cunning disease).  Evening meetings are at 9 p.m. EST on Mon - Sat; 7 p.m. EST on Sun.


AM meetings are 9 a.m. EST Mon - Fri and 10 a.m. Sat and Sun.  I attend many online meetings as I can also.  We also have open chat when you really just want to share or listen.


 I hope you will join us. 


Maria123



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If I am not for me, who will be?  If I am only for myself, then who am I?  If not now, when?
Diva


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2188
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Hello Cam and welcome. I came to this site a proud woman who would never admit to anyone that life was not perfect for me and mine. I read the posts here for quite a while before ever posting myself, because somehow I felt that everyone would be looking down on me for allowing my life to become out of control. When the time came that I could not contain my sorrow and grief, I posted. I have never regretted that moment. My beloved spouse, who is the A in my life, had made me sicker than HE was!! I struggle with trying to understand the disease; in my heart I admit I feel that it is a matter of putting the stuff down and leaving it alone. Rather like quitting smoking. But I am not an addictive type, so it is only normal that I don't understand addiction, and have a rather cavalier attitude about it's control. I'm lucky. My A is sober, and once again is his sweet, loving self. But who knows aboout the future?

Sorry to have gone off track. The fact is that you will be welcomed here to share or not. All of us have been where you are; some still are in that place. As you have already been told, there is a chat room here, and there are regular meetings. I do not chat or attend meetings, but that is only because I prefer not to. I know I'd be welcomed, and you will be too. Stay around. This little haven is a "port in the storm" for so many of us from all walks of life. And there is something that I have come to finally discover from these lovely people. Whether we come from a life of luxury and means or whether we struggle from one dime to the next, we are all the same and dealing with the same hurts. So please come back often. You'll be glad you did.

Very best wishes to you, Diva

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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
cloud


Senior Member

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Posts: 115
Date:
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Welcome ((((((((((((((((((((Cam))))))))))))))))))))we all have been down a simialr path as you and together in unity of alanon have met one another, now that your spouose is in recovery you can begin yours it takes time as her does you will seek serenity for you my friend in alanon the more you listen, share and put into the program the more enriched your life will be and you will begin to see that many will love you and help you through your tough times. We have meetings on line ans many face to face available, also many books to read in alanon as there are in aa May I suggest 3 that I have and I have been only here 5 mo. myself and my husband is my A of 14 yrs are One Day at a time, Courage to change, and Paths to recovery which is a step book and also has the traditions and concepts in it, one slogan I will tell   you is Let it begin with me!!!! For you my friend are important, we all tend to forget that in the disfunction if trying to help the one we love. Good luck and Keep comming to our site we welcome you we have meeting here please   come join us, the books you can purchase on line at a meeting in your local area the library or a book store, Welcome home dear friend take care LOve cloud

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david62


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1501
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Welcome to Miracles in Progress, Cam.  I cant add much to what all of the others have posted to you already.  You can see what a wonderful place this is, full of caring understanding people who have been there right were you are, living with the disease of alcoholism.  I have been in Al-Anon for just over a year now and have been coming to this web site for 8 months.  The change it has made in my life is nothing short of miraculous.


I understand your difficulty in getting to face to face meetings, I live in a rural area but I manage to make two meetings a week.  I also make as many of the online meetings as I can...they have helped me and continue to help me grow one day at a time.  To realize that I am a person of significance and that I know longer need to depend on someone else for my happiness.


Please keep coming back here, give the program a chance.  It will teach you how to take back the life you have given away to trying to control the uncontrollable.


Yours in Recovery,


David



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Laughter is the Beginning of Healing
jj


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 505
Date:
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(((((Cam)))))))


Welcome to MIP!!


Glad to have you here!!


Keep Comming Back


Remember the 3 C's


Love in recovery JJ



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sanddie


Senior Member

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Posts: 291
Date:
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Hi Cam---  Your post reminds me of the movie with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia, "When A Man Loves A Woman".  Have you ever seen it?  It is an awesome movie.  :)  


Hang in there...   Give it all to God.  :)



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lildee


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 114
Date:
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Hi Cam,


Welcome to the site. Aside from all the wonderful suggestions above, you can attend local Al-Anon meetings, get a sponsor , and work the Steps. You can find local meetings in your area at the Al-Anon website. This is the addy:-


http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html


Good luck on the journey.


Love & God Bless


lildee


 



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Love and God Bless
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