The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After a year of putting back together my physical health (and I"m not finished yet) I have come to see my denial at the ex A's drinking, using and general insanity crossed the line into my own life. I certainly had enormous denial about the issues with my health, my financial picture (totally ruined need I say more) and my prospects ( I had none when I was with the ex A because I was absolutely obsessed with him).
As I was in so much denial I did not have the ability to problem solve, make choices or make any decisions. I just froze and froze and froze some more. I'm gradually thawing out and letting go of a lot of stuff. Decluttering isn't just about stuff for me its all about emotions. What can I let go of, how can I do it and what a relief when I do.
Some of the issue is of course that there is no repairing certain things, the years I lost, the damage to the credit (completely gone) and the prospects I once had. I have managed to put back together my health but I will probably not be able to walk off into the sunset just yet.
I've stopped looking for the knight in shining armor to help me but when I let go of the denial I can't say I like the huge huge mess I am still in and may still be in for years to come. I'm glad I can let go of the denial and I know how much I needed it but for me denial was a certain ticket to death (not just by the ex A's driving and insanity).
Progress sometimes is hard won and not exactly pretty.
I've stopped looking for the knight in shining armor to help me but when I let go of the denial I can't say I like the huge huge mess I am still in and may still be in for years to come. I'm glad I can let go of the denial and I know how much I needed it but for me denial was a certain ticket to death (not just by the ex A's driving and insanity).
Progress sometimes is hard won and not exactly pretty.
Maresie.
Wow Maresie Very powerful share. Progress is indeed often hard won and not exactly pretty. Prior to program my denial wanted to have a perfect world with perfect solutions where everything was resolved to my advantage. The solution was always beautiful and pretty. Letting go of my unreasonable expectations and taking off the Rose Colored glasses was hard but absolutely necessary. My life also depended on it.
I too was in total denial, I was in denial to how sick I am how I pick people who i thought needed fixing and thenwent into some kind of fantasy land were i help them then they love me forever and never leave. My A is osber for today and is just getting over a slip in Nov this brought me out of denial with bang today I choose to accept my A for who he is, a sick man who has come out of denial and is fight this illness with all his might. I am fighting hard to focus on myself and to not beat myself up for choices of the past I was sick and did the best i could Today I am right where I need to be I trust my Hp. I know if I keep going to Al anon nad developing my relationship with Hp I will develop even more skills to help me live in peace with reality.
maresie wrote:As I was in so much denial I did not have the ability to problem solve, make choices or make any decisions. I just froze and froze and froze some more.
Oh, I so relate to that. That's where I was, too - except that I didn't know I was in denial. I didn't know the problem was mine. I knew there WAS a problem, but had no idea what it was. I was so frozen that I couldn't get to the bottom of it, either. The thawing out process took a loooong time for me.
Thanks for sharing - and it's so amazing to see your progress.
