I just need too talk - Al-Anon Family Group

Bluelady · Member

I just need too talk

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Bluelady)))

I am so very sorry to hear about your husband's stroke and your daughter's relapse.

You are quite naturally afraid and saddened by this cunning and powerful disease and have come to the right place to seek help. As you know Alanon meetings are held here twice day and the chat room is open 24/7.

It is important for you to connect with others who understand and who are living with this problem using different tools.

There are Face to Face meetings in your community that have great literature and these can be located by checking the white pages of the telephone directory.

Please know that you are not alone and that there is help for you and your husband in the rooms of alanon.

Praying for your peace.

-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 11th of February 2010 04:53:03 PM

Andrea12 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((((Dear Bluelady)))),

My heart is with you, it feels like walking in He__ when the bottle has all the power. Unfortunately the only one you have any control of is you....you can learn how to deal with the things going on in your life.....and it does help.

You are not alone.....we are standing with you......keep posting!!!!!!!

Please try and take the control back the bottle has over......the rest will follow one day at a time.

With Love,
Andrea

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

It helped me when I looked up detachment with love. I learned that I can love someone and accept their choices as having nothing to do with me. Love to you and your husband and daughter- gosh don't you know she is hurting too. It seems like they do it to hurt us but surely she knows she is hurting herself even if she can't admit it. I'm sorry I care and I believe you will be okay. And at the same time I know when I focus on it pain related to my children is the worst of all. I'm praying for you today.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Bluelady...What helped me when I was in that situation with my son and my
alcoholic wife was to look at and accept what it was that I was responsible for and
allow them, the others to do that themselves. I also learned that their main
attachment for help and support wasn't to me but to the God of their understanding
their creator. I learned how to turn my back on their responsibilities and not abandon
them. They had choices only a few of them recovery and sobriety or to continue to
not reach out for help. The parts I did in support were enough, as much as I could do
with the best that I had and the program and my sponsors helped me to accept that
and not do more than I could or should. Both my alcoholic spouse and my son
stopped drinking and using without my help...I had already helped and they needed
mine and more to be able to get clean and sober. When your ability runs out they
need more than yours and have to keep looking and asking.

Your' husband can't do much about his stroke in early stages. Since you can't be
everywhere at the same time and still be there for yourself I believe that the "next
right thing" is being supportive of your husband's recovery. Recovery from stroke
has made awesome advances in the last 15 years. I pray for you and your family.

Trust God. (((((hugs))))) smile

Wolfie · Veteran Member

Just wanted to say thanks for sharing that BlueLady.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Blue - your daughter may have lost this round to the bottle but u don't have to go down with her . Yu have a sick husband who needs your attention and u also need to take care of yourself .
Since your daughter has had some sobriety she has chosen to drink again , allow her the dignity to suffer the concequences of her choice . She will go where she needs to go and remember that she too has a HP and is not alone . She knows where to get help all she has to do is ask. Dont enable , let it play out the way its supposed to with no interference from you . this is tough I know but unfortunately necessary , every time we rescue we allow the insantiy to continue ,there comes a time when we Do Nothing , perhaps this is yours . will be thinking of you and your family . Louise

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

You said you just want someone to talk to - come into the chat room, we have 24/7 chat and 2 daily mtgs - we understand how u feel and can relate.

Meeting schedule: Monday-Friday...9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10am, 9pm EST(newcomers)and 9pm EST, Sunday: 10am and 7pm EST. _____ UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

I see you're pretty new here, welcome to alanon and MIP. I'm going to write this csuccintly, so u have osmething to grasp to -- The A feeds off of our energy and emotions - when we obsess and worry, we are enabling. When we foucus on the A ad thier issues, moods, situations, we are losing ourselves and feeding the disease. Best way to combat it and help you both, is for you to focus on YOU and detach with love from what she is doing or not doing.
   You are the only person you can control or change.

I know, u are filled with worry and perhaps this sounds odd - I know I found it insensitive at first - but this is the truth. Think about it, the more u try to convince someone of something, when they are completely resistent/denying it - it is impossible to convince them otherwise. The A is in denial and often we are too.

Take care of YOU - whatver that looks like.

Welcome to alanon, I hope u stay for the miracles.

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

As a long long time codependent I felt absolutely over responsible for everyone, particularly alcoholics. I felt like I had to solve it all and I took their issues very very personally.

Many alcoholics have volatile relationships. I certainly had a on again off again relationship with the ex A for years and years and years. Every week there was some new calamity.

I know I felt absolutely drained by the ex A's actions and al anon absolutely saved my life. For me when I first got here, learning to detach was so so key. I also had to learn absolutely the three C's, I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it.

I am so glad you are here and seeking help. Al anon can help you tremendously you are absolutely in the right place reaching out and seeking help.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.