The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the dictionary it states........ "Resentment" can result from a variety of situations involving a perceived wrong.
The dictionary also defines "resentment" as a feeling of displeasure of indignation from a feeling of being wronged.
From time to time that definition perfectly fits how I feel about the disease of alcoholism. Today I was dwelling on it, even though most of the time I have acceptance and don't look back and stare at what this disease of alcoholism has taken away from me and my AW. When I thought about it, horboring those feelings of "resentment" would be bad enough if they were directed toward a person that had caused me harm,........... but it is not even a person,...... it's a dang disease,....... something I can't even touch or talk to. What good does it do me to have a "resentment" toward a disease....absolutely nothing...........
I am reminded of what I heard a member in my Al-Anon group say a few months ago describing "resentment"..........
"Resentments" are a lot like feeding a stray dog, as long as you continue to feed it,.........it will stay at your door.
So, from this point on I will try not feed my "resentment" of this disease.....but nothing will ever stop me from hating it,........ and that's O.K.
Aloha RLC...You are learning well young man. I like your continuous open mind. I strive for that myself. Mahalo for passing along your awarenesses. They are value- able to those of us who are still shopping for enlightenment. I don't do hate well anymore. There are always strings attached to that one and those strings are also connected to all kinds of other negative feelings and perceptions. The disease is period. I was reflecting this morning that we don't get to choose anything at birth so I don't have anything to compare what has happened in my life with anything else going on around me. I always could be different/better I have learned in Al-Anon so there fore its about making different more useful choices and practicing my choice with an open mind for great awarenesses from others...just like this post.
We do what we can with what we have to the best of our ability then so that we can help others.
(((RLC))) I can relate to your feelings of resentment and hatred of this disease. But you're NOT feeding that dog, so it has no reason to hang around. I'm awed and inspired by your strength. Hang in there, this too shall pass. (Jerry, maybe someday I'll get past the hatred but right now I DO hate this disease for what it does to people.)
I do hate this disease with my entire Being. I have stopped feeding the stray dog of anger and resentment because these two destructive tools nearly destroyed me.
Today, like you and Jerry I acknowledge how much this disease has changed my life, am grateful that I have found alanon and new constructive tools to deal with the shattered hopes and dreams
Thanks for your share.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 10th of February 2010 07:27:52 PM
Thank you RLC for the thread/topic. I too hate this disease. I also am working hard to let go and let God of my resentments. I struggle at times, as this is new enough to me that the old habits appear quicker than I can blink.
I do like the analogy about the stray dog...works well with my mind and I too will work to not feed my resentments.
(((((Hugs to you and all)))))!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for posting this RLC........it made me realise that I have stopped feeding the dog but its been begging for scraps recently!!
Sometimes my awareness of where I am in my recovery is clouded and when I read here, things become clearer to me, so thank you, you have started my day over for me today because there was a different one beginning to gnaw at my leg!!!
"What good does it do me to have a "resentment" toward a disease....absolutely nothing..........." -RLC
Wow, what great insight & awareness! I could not agree with you more. I had to do a lot of forgiveness work to heal past issues, emotions, traumas - a lot of which I attributed to the disease - for all of the things I felt it took from me and did to me. I had a mopuntain fo resentments and the forgiveness work has freed me from them. I had to forgive and hand them over, one at a time. Yes, it took a long time and it was exhasuting doing that intrensive spiritual/emotional work -but- the light at the end of it is - I do truly feel free and liberated from them now. I am sure I still have more to forgive but (in general) my resentments are no longer a constant companion.
Maybe I need to pray on it and ask God to show me where I might have any unforgiven business left, so it can come up to my conscious awareness, so that I might be able to hand what is remaining over to HP/God. EAch time I forgive myself for something, I feel closer to HP, extremely humbled and grateful and of course - palpably lighter.
Thank you, this is a very good thread, indeed! Keep working it.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
