The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new here and my brother is an alcoholic. He has drank for many years (it never was a problem till about 6 years ago). He is only 34, but I am wondering if he has signs of the so called "wet brain' It is like his whole personality has changed even when he claims he has only had 2 beers. He acts like he doesn't have common sense at times. Showing up at my parents house at 10:00 at night, has forgotten things he used to know how to do. He can barely hold a job. It never lasts because he can't go very long without a beer. He used to make $80,000 a year and worked with computers and now he doesn't even go near a computer to fix it. I have read that over time, less alcohol is needed to become intoxicated, so I wonder if he is only having a few beers and is still acting strangely? Or is it brain damage? He has been in treatment before but started drinking again shortly after and is married to an enabler. She refuses to see what alcohol is doing to him physically and mentally. He has recently told us how easily he bruises and he doesn't know where the bruises are coming from. I read that could be sign of cirrhosis! We told him this and he is in complete denial. Could someone please share with me their experiences or offer me any advice? Thank you.
I am glad you found alanon! We come here to stop focusing on the alcoholic. We keep the focus on our self because that is the one and only thing we can change. I've learned it doesn't matter how often or how much they drink to be in alanon. If their drinking is bothering you then you can come!!
Can you get to alanon meetings in your area? You can call 1-800-4ALANON to get a list of meetings near you.
We have a chat room here (link is at the top) with 2 meetings a day and great people who are in there!
Alanons 3 C's : we didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it.
And the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
I'm not going to comment on the health issues as I am not a doctor and in no place to do so! But you did say that you keep telling him he's in denial ...it's likely he isn't going to listen. If he knew he had a problem then he'd seek help and for now until he gets to that point he's going to continue doing what alcoholics do: drink.
There are tons of great alanon literature you can get your hands on! They sell them at face to face meetings, or you can order them online!
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Hi Suri I won't try to give you medical advice either but will tell you that the one thing I have learned is that you can tell when an alcoholic is lying when they open their mouth.
My daughter is 24 and just out of the hospital for the 3rd time in one month. The doctors told her if she did not stop she would die a slow painful death and it is a fine line when that begins. She already has acute pancreatitis, bruises easily and at times is a blithering idiot. I too researched wet brain......then remembered that I was only driving myself crazy as I could not cure her or control her......
It is very hard to watch a child or sibling destroy themselves....we need to take care of ourselves or the pain will never stop.
Welcome Suri. May you find assistance for you here at MIP. So glad that you're here!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have an alcoholic sister and there are sometimes when she really looks terrible.
Like many classic alcholics she drank hard from day one. She is now decades into the addiction. I spent a lot of time worrying about her health and her children and her behavior (she drives drunk). I also spent a lot of time resenting that she was not "there" for me as a sister. I had such hopes that she could help me through recovery. I also had a great deal of resentment that she did not see the dysfunction in our family and in particular my older sister (who is very abusive).
For me personally I had to grieve what I wanted and never had. I had to focus on my sense of loss and anger. Over time that got better. I got to a place where I no longer resented the fact she was an alcoholic. I also got to a place where I don't expect her to be there for me.
I don't know your brother's history or medical history but there is no question that over time alcohol leads to health problems. They can be mixed. Speaking as someone who bruises very easily I can also tell you there are many reasons why that happens and not all of them relate to alcohol.
If your brother is aware he has health problems and still continues to drink that is a sure sign he is an alcoholic. When we have to deal with an alcoholic one of the things al anon encourages us to look at is the three c's, we didn't cause it, we cant cure it and we can't control it. Your brother has to want recovery, it is there for him if he does. Many alcholics have achieved it. No one can "Make" him want it.
As codependents there are many many ways we can "cope" and the sure fire way is to adopt many of the al anon tools. Like any kind of tool the more we practice the better we get. I think this room is a great great place to start looking at those tools, among them detachment.
I am glad you are here. Recovery is worth all the effort it requires.
