The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Left me a message saying he was doing well. He sorta admonished me that he didn't like the fact that I only texted him and didn't ever answer my phone and perhaps that was why he had been out of touch. I did not call rehab about possible drug use. Don't know if he is/was using, but have decided to mind my own business here. I must admit to you my friends that I am jealous that he is having his company this weekend- roommate's girls or whatever per sister in law. I did try to call this evening and alluded on my voicemail that he was probably busy as I had heard he was having company- felt wee guilty at that little drop of info- just to let him know that I had heard. Must admit that I am just feeling lonely sitting at home again. Wondering when the love of my life shows up. :) Thanks for being here.
Thanks for your post it has just given me a a ha moment. My ABF is in recovery and I have learnt that I am a raging CO dependent. He is focusing on him, fixing his life. I am still focusing on him and why he is not here with me, or living life how I want him to. I too get jelous if he is having fun while poor me is choosing to sit here wondering what he is doing with his. Thankyou again I have a choice this morning I can sit here thinking oh he is at the football or I can get readyy go out see friends get on with my day. I focus so much on others their lives , their problems, what I want them to do. But I have leant here that when I focus on me my life get better. I have also noticed that because I am a cody I attract people with probs who drain me. I do not want to fix others anymore I want to fix me be happy. So just for today going to concentrate on me stop worrying , obsessing and go and have some fun. What ever my A is doing that is his life. The other thing I have noticed is the more I focus on me the more he focuses on him and gets better. Also the more I enjoy my life the more he wants to spend time with me instead of mebeing a noose tightly round his kneck he is trying to loosen. Take care of you, i hope this helps I can so relate to your shares
thanks again
-- Edited by Tracy on Saturday 6th of February 2010 05:41:45 AM
Code - thanks for the topic. My Son is the A of the day in my home, and is also in treatment. I pray for a call from him - not even sure I care what he says - but contact that doesn't ask me for another 'material want'. Just a call to say, 'hello' or 'how are you' or 'I am doing well' - a sign.
While our stories and our A are very different, this disease is not. In my world, the disease wants me to fret about him, his recovery, his lack of action, his lack of progress, his anger towards all around him, his intolerance of his family, etc.
This disease makes me feel guilty, sad, mad, hopeless, helpless and overwhelmed. This disease makes me want to exhaust my being, mind and soul to 'help him' understand how it should be.
This program and those with more smarts than I are sharing and teaching me how to best work with myself and for myself to heal myself. As much as this disease makes me want to 'fix him', I can not. I tend to withdraw and process much longer than others, which, for me, is what makes me lonely.
Wise folks once told me that alone time and lonely are choices. Took me a long, long while to learn how to engage healthy folks, pick up the phone, go to new/different meetings, ask for help with daycare to attend a meeting/coffee, etc. For me, if I wanted a different outcome (peace, serenity, calm), I absolutely had to do things different.
Again, thanks for the topic. You and your ABF are in my prayers! (((((Code)))))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The ex A's life always looked good. He surrounded himself with people, was always out doing things and I stayed home fuming. In retrospect his life was and probably still is always about drug use. Alcholics have a great great way of looking good. The ex A I was with was a master. Many many people thought he was an incredibly sweet person, he was but also an incredibly mean and nasty and blaming addict.
Be aware the looking good is part of his addiction. I would not want to be any where near anyone with drug use now but for years I persisted in the delusion they had it good.
Yes indeed thank you for posting. I had a horrible day this weekend. My ex A is off with his new girlfriend and also texts me about his busy life. I knew he had a family even he would take her to - she would be with his family - she would be with his daughter and I was sitting home alone sick with a cold. Uggh, it was awful! Especially being alone and home sick! I wanted to go out and make myself busy but I knew i had to stay home to rest to care for myself. So that is what I did - take care of myself and try not to obsess over where he was and what he was doing. But it was a very, very hard day. Thinking back I should have logged on to an online meeting or posted online, or called my counselor but I did none of those things but feel sorry for myself. We are trying to stay friends so of course I hear about all of his daily events. Some days I think we shouldn't be friends.
