The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay, friends ... today I need to take a look at my motives! I just had a conversation with my AH. During the conversation, I told him that I was worried he may be getting sick again. It seems like a good thing to be able to convey how I feel, and I am allowed to care. It's surely a fine line, though. When I look honestly, my whole motivation to "tell" how I felt was really just a veiled attempt to control his recovery and get him to wake up and take notice of some things that *I* feel are dangerous. Truth is, I don't WANT him to relapse. Truth is, I want him to pay attention to the warning signs! Truth is, I want him to do it my way. And ... truth is, his recovery is not my recovery and it is not my job to call his attention to things he can certainly observe for himself and change if he chooses.
I'm not gonna beat myself up for slipping in my own recovery, I'm just gonna get back on track. First things first - I'll get my actions back in line starting right this second, and I'm confident that the thought processes will follow.
I can so understand your feelings and think it is awesome you are able to step back and really see what you may be going through. As a new member of Al-Anon I hope to get to the point where I can always look at my motives so honestly too. Thank you for sharing your es&h!
Sooooo that's how it works!! I can use that thought daily. What are my motives? Hmmmm think I'll ponder that question for a while. Mahalo WR..much (((((hugs)))))
I can definitely relate to the worry and concern you are feeling. But you're right that it it HIS recovery, not yours. Good for you for questioning your motive and seeing the truth. You're back on track in the right direction. Like Jerry, I plan to use that thought myself. ¨What is my motive?¨ I have a feeling it could be very hepful. Thanks for sharing.
For me it comes back to expectations. Expecting too much from an alcoholic or early recovery alcoholic is a set up. I've done that my entire life.
I was always overinvolved with others. Now I am not. I can't say it is easy and know for me personally it was a real way to avoid myself and the tremendous tasks ahead of me.
Hi all - I started reading yesterday and haven't stopped. My exABF and I broke up last Thursday, his feelings suddenly turned off for me and he quit communicating. We have been in and out of a relationship for a year and this is how we've broken up every time(3x). I thought this time would be different because - he has been in recovery for 5 months today.
I just sent a text to congratulate him on making 5 months...I mean, it's good to encourage, right?
But after reading your entry, I now question my motives. I wish I had read this 15 minutes ago.
