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Hi all--I found a percocet (my A does use pills too) and while I keep to myself about the alcohol, I am not sure what to do about this...any thoughts. I found it on the floor...put it back? Throw it out? Hand it to him? Take it myself and wash it down with a shot (j/k).
Anyway, I'm not by any stretch tortured by this...I'm just not sure what to do with it. I can see any of the above options (not my taking it) as a reasonable response...I just wanted to "talk it over and reason it out."
There is no right answer. If it were me I would hand it to him so he knows I know. This will do no good whatsoever but at least make him aware that you are not to be fooled.
Well if it were me I would show him the pill while standing over the toilet , remind him that if your daughter had taken it , who knows how she would have reacted to that ??? then flush it Just me . I am not completely recovered thats why I keep commin back . ha
Serenity Girl, this sounds a lot like my post from yesterday. My AH took a pill from his dad's medicine cabinet and put it in his pocket - I saw him put it in his pocket and when I asked what he put in his pocket he said nothing. I said, "I saw you," not to be accusatory, but to confront the fact that I knew he was lying to me. Regardless of whether I like the choices he makes, I do not accept being lied to.
I think the right answer might just depend on you and your circumstances. What's right for you might not be right for anyone else. I think if I were in that situation, I would not be able to just put it back and pretend I didn't see it. I'd probably hand it to him so he knew I knew, as a previous poster said. That's just me being honest about what I would do, I am certainly not suggesting that that's the best answer.
Do you have a sponsor that you could talk to about it?
I was wondering if you have any boundary in place abour whether there are pills in your home? If so, I would throw it out, let him know you found it and remind him of your choice for reinforcing your boundary - whatever it might be. Remember that a consequence is something you will do because your boundary has been crossed. Not anything he has to do. Many of us have "escalating boundaries" - ie. first I will remind him I don't allow pills in my house, if it happens again, I will let him know I will discard what I find and let him know the next time I will advise authorities etc....
If you don't have a boundary on this, I would simply discard the pill without comment. Nothing can be gained from an open ended plea for the alcoholic/addict to do what you want.
I think the key is not to make an accusation, but rather to think about whether you have a boundary on it or not, then manage your boundaries. I know that what I'm writing is easy to write hard to do - HP knows that this was a major struggle for me.
Aloha Jasobel...keep working it cause this is how the solutions come. For me I had to arrive at a position of trust and fairness and let go. If its not mine its someone elses. I retrieve it and leave it in a safe place and let others around me that I have found it. If I can identify it as a prescript of my spouses I let her know where it is.
I am not responsible...for anything more than that.
I have to agree with Diva. Unless you know that it's a necessary, prescribed medication, flush it and let it go.
I don't know if this is right or not, but I've found countless things in my home - contraband, booze, accessories, drugs, etc. I used to confront and react, but starting is July/August, I've just tossed and never mentioned it.
Of course, those in my home who 'lost' their stuff are always looking at me wondering IF I took it or IF they misplaced it...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi All--Thanks for your responses. We don't have a specific boundary around this, but he's acknowledged that it's a problem and is "working on it." I just handed him the pill when he got home, because I knew I would probably bring it up later, as much as I like to think I'd not bring it up...hmm.. :0) I know there is no "right" answer and, as far as reasoning it out, I was hoping that if one of my options was WAY off the mark, someone might mention it. Sometimes a totally rational thought, in my mind, becomes the most damaging course of action. And I do have a sponsor...she is getting home from a cruise today, so I didn't have access to her.
At any rate...I handed my bf the pill, and just told him I found it on the floor. He put it in his pocket and sat with me and watched tv for a bit before calling me in the bathroom to show me he was flushing it. I now think that was the right course of action for me and for him. I didn't fly of the handle at all, nor did I have to hide that I'd found something (and probably throw it in his face later). He made the choice to dispose of it, which he told me felt horrible at first but good soon after. And I feel like I can put the issue to rest.
Thanks for reading and responding. I think, not having my sponsor available was stressful, but being able to even slow down enough to log on, write my dilemma, and write out some options, was a good exercise in practicing the "THINK" slogan, and I feel like I'm making progress...so thanks for being here. It really helps!
I am not completely recovered thats why I keep commin back . ha
