The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am angry at the moment - but as you all probably know, tomorrow will be completely different (at least for a few hours here or there). And I am paranoid about what to tell you all to call me because I was subconsciously raised to be paranoid. Which does come in handy when I do crazy things (attraction to danger, always fun, isn't it, all you COAs out there?), but not when I'm trying to TALK TO SOMEONE. My mother has been an alcoholic since she started drinking, and for all my life. I love her (you know I feel the need to say that), but she appears insane. I understand her disease, because I am an alcoholic/addict myself, whether I'm sober or not at the moment (I am) - but that doesn't keep me from being completely angry with her when I try to make her feel so bad about herself that she'll quit (I believe that makes me what they call "the provoker"). I know it should logically have nothing to do with me - though I don't understand how anyone can tell me that when I say something and she goes for the cabinet. I suppose you could argue that it's stress, not me. But doesn't there have to be something or someone CAUSING that stress? Sometimes it's not even me - sometimes she starts when no body else is even awake, or before anyone even comes home. Though then again I suppose you could argue - that we will find stress.
I can't go to a shrink (I dislike shrinks anyway, 3 guesses why), because I can't talk about HER. I can't go to alanon meetings because she won't LET me. (Don't worry, getting a license soon). Even when I was peeking my addictions (thus far, anyway), I wasn't ALLOWED to go to rehab or AA or anything. I'm just pissed, needed to vent. Though I think I'll stick around because I feel like this quite often.
hotblackink (a reference to a Who song - Love Reign O'er Me, I felt it was appropriate.)
Aloha HBI...go back to the face page or home page for MIP and click on the AA board also so you can get feedback from that side of the family too. When I got into Al-Anon and came to believe that I needed to be there or die insane willingly there was absolutely nothing or no one who could keep me away from the membership, meetings, literature, steps, traditions, concepts, slogans and the Higher Power they introduced me to. I learned what was important and mandatory and what was optional in the rooms. If you really do what you do with your insanity (attract danger control and manipulate others) then you can make your way to the doors of a meeting without anyone's permission. When you get inside of the rooms turn it off or you can be invited to leave it and yourself outside (from my experience only).
No reason to wait...no threat strong enough to keep me away from my chair in the rooms. I am a double...both programs with my tap root in Al-Anon. Paranoia? I could go to a meeting without my weapon...go figure a safe secure place to be with no one hunting for my head.
You don't have to wait for a license unless you think you need to rely on yourself alone. If it is fear that keeps others at arms length (paranoia...fear? are these connected? ummmm) put it away for a couple of hours and call the hotline for Al-Anon and ask if you can get a ride to a meeting. Been there and done that including hitching and walking to get there.
Glad you found MIP cause this is such a supportive place for family to gather and support each other into recovery.
[quote=jerry] Aloha HBI...go back to the face page or home page for MIP and click on the AA board also so you can get feedback from that side of the family too. When I got into Al-Anon and came to believe that I needed to be there or die insane willingly there was absolutely nothing or no one who could keep me away from the membership, meetings, literature, steps, traditions, concepts, slogans and the Higher Power they introduced me to. I learned what was important and mandatory and what was optional in the rooms. If you really do what you do with your insanity (attract danger control and manipulate others) then you can make your way to the doors of a meeting without anyone's permission. When you get inside of the rooms turn it off or you can be invited to leave it and yourself outside (from my experience only).
Don't know if I'm ready to keep up with two boards! :p... I've been on recovery forums. I'm in a relationship where my drinking and partaking in substances is discouraged (aren't I a hypocrite)... but, the idea of being sober for the rest of my life seems... unrealistic, undesirable to me. But here is not the place for that discussion...
You keep using the word insanity, no idea whether it's being used as a phrase or whether it's being taken as given that I'm nuts? Lol. I probably could make my way to a meeting using those tools - maybe something else is stopping me that I'm not consciously acknowledging. Maybe that notion of "it will be all right tomorrow". Gee Ma, suppose tomorrow is when I wanted to go? Now I don't feel the need. Thanks!
[quote=jerry] ...go figure a safe secure place to be with no one hunting for my head. I think people hunt for others heads, as it were, without even knowing it. Don't they?
I don't think there's a person who posts on this board that hasn't been REALLY angry, and felt insane, if not paranoid. The disease of acoholism is "crazy causing" for both the alcoholic and those that love them. So bottom line, you're among friends who understand.
I am a member of this online group, but also found it totally necessary to get some face to face help in a meeting. In my home group, we have many members who both suffer from addiction themselves, and have family members that suffer - I think they call them "double hitters" because they are in AA and AlAnon. Excuse me if you knew this already - but wanted to pass it along to you. The reason I mention it is that I often learn a lot from the "double hitters" - their experiences help me understand what the alcoholic may be going through.
I hope you do as Jerry suggests and go to a meeting or six You're worth it and it seems a shame to let another's choices affect your own recovery from the effects of this disease.
I'll drink (coffee) to that statement - the crazy causing. Glad to be in a place, virtual or not, where there are friends who understand.
There are times when I would very much like to hit up meetings (both of AA and AlAnon) and then other days when I feel my life is too busy, or my head is, and I just feel fine and feel no need. The times when I really feel the need to are usually late at night, which would be a bummer anyway wouldn't it? ha
If your will to be involved in meetings is often late at night, you can always try our online meetings. Some are a bit later. You may also want to try the chat room. There are often folks keeping each other company and always welcome the chance to listen to a newcomer.
I was very reluctant to go to a face to face meeting at first. I have to admit, I decided to be brave and thought darn it (not the real phrase I used), I'll give it a shot. I was pretty shy because I had been so isolated from living with the disease in my life and feeling ashamed, but I did decide that "I want what they're having" - they were actually happy! Of course I thought that some alien had come down and occupied all these "serene folks" but after two years, I realize that the program works.
OK - enough of the zealot from me. Please take what you like and leave the rest.
I'm kind of new here and have found this board to be a lifeline in so many ways. The experience, strength and hope of those 'older' than I in wisdom are leading me out of my misery and towards a better way of living and thinking.
I am also a member of both clubs - AA and Alanon. On my last AA birthday, I realized I had been clean and sober more than half of my life. However, for me, it's no matter - as it is a one day at a time program.
I thank my HP every day that I truly only have to live in the moment - or in the day - cuz when I project forward or live in the past, it just ain't pretty. LoL....
Keep coming back and .... I LOVE THE WHO!!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
there are lots of online forums besides this one. I do understand many many obstacles. We all have them.
My younger sister is an alcoholic and started very young. I still have mixed feelings about her actions and I no longer have to deal with her on a daily basis or at all for that matter.
Many of us have gone into the provoker role. I think its pretty hard to stay out of that one. Detaching is one way to do that. Detaching is sometimes very very hard. There are numerous posts on this board about it. Sometimes we detach in anger, indifference and eventually some of us get to love (I can't say I do that one very very well).
All of us to a certain extent end up in a relationship of some dependency with an addict/alcoholic. I think its pretty difficult not to as those relationships involve so much conflict and drama. No one expects you to get independent overnight. At the same time looking at the dependency without blame is a way to accept it and move on from it.
I am so glad you are here. This is a wonderful group with rich experience. You will find many guides here and a safe place to vent your feelings.
