The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was going to start this new year - just starting to end the 'drama' in my life and look after me-this is my year-I am turning 60 and I so many health problems and need to get in shape and lose weight. But its sooo hard for me to try and look after me! I get so caught up in other peoples drama (family). For one thing I have gone to church all my life--I have decided I don't want to go anymore (for now anyway). DH wants to go and I feel-there goes the "me" again. Am I being selfish??? I get my God thru Alanon and for now that is enough. OK-I call my youngest son (35) single. I say did I wake you-(he works shifts)..know Mom u can call anytime. I say I don't want to wake u -u should shut your phone off--well why noboby calls me anyway....then guilt sets in-why I don't know--I want to calll my other sons and my ex and say call ur son and brother...Drama..NOT my business. I could go on-when is it ever going to be MY time (: Just feeling down. why do I have to make everyone happy especially my kids and hubby--its not my job, Sometimes it would be nice to move away from it all :)--Running is not the answer tho-is it??
Well meagain, are we wearing the same shoes today!!....so heres a ((((hug)))))
Ive been mightily pd off , been going around like a rat in a trap the last couple of days. I always thought when I reached this age, 56, Id be off living the gypsy life, trawling the world, rucksack on my back, with a few bob (dollars) in the bank to spoil myself when the rucksack gets too heavy and husbs bad back means he cant carry it for me!! Manbloodyana....life sure gets in the way .
I posted a reply earlier today on N8SMOMs post Our selfish Programme..... there I was talking about boundaries and how NO is a whole sentence when the light went on .....honestly I was furious with myself ........... So Ive sorted out a couple of things tonight both of which included NO and the slipping boundaries have been tweaked back to where they need to be............I gave myself a good talking to and have kicked those concrete shoes off, set the programme hat at a jaunty angle while consuming banoffee pie with extra cream and now Im off to have a glass of wine. Its me time for the next hour and if my serenity is disturbed murder may be done in the Highlands of Scotland tonight
Happy New Year to you and yours...... take care of you
(((((hugs))))) Ness
P.S I have an Aunt of 82 who decided when she was 70 shed never liked going to church so stopped and has now told us that when she dies she wants to exit this world as a firework! She loves her rebel status
We call the running away stuff geographicals and some can take that for thousands of miles...problem is you still end up being with the problem...yourself.
If you need permission to stop doing the stuff that is driving you crazy and making you sick and mad....Stop. It's okay to stop doing that stuff. Don't do it anymore.
There you got it three times. And I mean it now!! Stop!!. :) ((((hugs))))
The hardest battle I have to fight continues to be practicing self acceptance and self compassion - accepting EXACTLY where I am today and not piling the "Shoulds" on. They only bury me.
. 
.....honestly I was furious with myself 
........... So Ive sorted out a couple of things tonight both of which included NO and the slipping boundaries have been tweaked back to where they need to be............I gave myself a good talking to and have kicked those concrete shoes off, set the programme hat at a jaunty angle while consuming banoffee pie with extra cream and now Im off to have a glass of wine. Its me time for the next hour and if my serenity is disturbed murder may be done in the Highlands of Scotland tonight 
