The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I'm not sure if I ever posted that the A is actually gonna be living in Florida after rehab. So that adds another dimension to our relationship. My therapist thinks I should completely cut off the relationship as he had pictures of his ex from 6 years ago out before he left for rehab and maybe he is only calling/texting me so much because I am one of the few sober people he knows that he can talk to. I mean if he is trying to truly recover it is not like he can call his addict friends. He called me this much when he was in jail, but I always chalked that up to you know who takes calls from jail. At least these calls ARE coming from a free man on a 80 degree beach. LOL. It's just that I am so afraid of listening to him- of being hurt by him- of all of it. I have never heard him use the words higher power in reference to being sober. He has never been to a meeting and now is going 4 times a day. It has been only 10 days, but it is like a miracle to me. He has been drug free before in jail, but he has never been willingly. This morning he left me a message to ask me what I was grateful for. Said he knew what he was grateful for and if I wanted to know that I could call back. I am trying to work my program here. No expectations, keeping it simple, letting go. Any feeback from those who have been through this is appreciated.
Hi , thank your for your post. I think working on you and letting him do his thing, whatever that is .....is the best thing you can do. See how you feel and sift through all thoughts and feelings for today and take tomorrow as it comes. You know I like to keep in mind that recovery takes alot more than not drinking or using. All the reasons that one uses those as coping skills has to be addressed and dealt with as well or your just dealing with a dry drunk. That takes time and willingness and a fearless honestly with ones self . It is similiar to our recovery as well.. Its great that he has ten days under his belt but also keep in mind that it takes a year before their minds even begin to get clear. Something else that I have to remember is that the age someone starts using is the age that is the person you are dealing with....they say their mental growth is haulted and from my experience I find that very true. Again, looking at you and dealing with your thoughts and feelings is the best way to go...and things change as our perceptions change. Keep working it and posting it is good to hear you....thanks :)
Well, all I can tell you is my own experience. I come from both sides of the tracks and I can tell you, I made so many promises and tried so many times to get sober and failed so miserably that I'm sure most of the people in my life gave up on me. Then one day on a cold and lonely stretch of highway when one more hour would have seen me frozen to death, I did what I should have done from the beginning. I surrendered to a power greater than bernie. I'd like to say there was a blinding flash of light, that time stood still and I could hear angels singing, but that's not what happened. but I did feel something. I felt that someone had put their hand on my shoulder and told me its gonna be ok. that was 12 years ago. haven't had a drink. haven't wanted to have one. and that voice was right. it is ok now. I can't guarantee he's going to stop but I can guarantee you that he has truly surrendered (and only he knows that) that he has a fighting chance. and his chances will be a lot better if he has your love and support but even without it, he'll be ok if he keeps that higher power close to him. and you'll be ok if you keep yours close to you.
have a great day, unless you have other plans.
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If you want something you never had before, then do something you never did before.
Recently I have been able to reflect on how much the last three years of my life have COMPLETELY REVOLVED around my A. There was really no ME left.
My A actually relocated from PA (where we lived) after his 30 day rehab stay to Florida to attend a halfway house, where he ended up staying. I still have a year left before I graduated college, so I stayed in Philadelphia but moved to South Florida shortly after I graduated so that we could be together.
I can honestly say that when we were apart - it was both hell and heaven. I felt CRAZIER because I was still so enmeshed and obsessed with him and HIM being in recovery, working a program only enhanced my insecurity and insanity because I couldn't keep the focus on me. At the same time, when I DID start to put the focus on me and work on myself, it did seem a bit easier, freeing.
