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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I finally left him and I'm scared.
Post Info TOPIC: I finally left him and I'm scared.
Sangyaa


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I finally left him and I'm scared.
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My addict boyfriend, who I live with and have been through everything with this past year, pawned everything of value I own yesterday, intending to go on a heroin binge. I got home, found it all gone, him with it, and a cocky little note- "Sorry babe, love ya".
After months of skirting the issue, more and more frequent relapses, and so much stress and mental anguish about not wanting to abandon him, what I needed to do suddenly became clear. I packed a bag, wrote a note explaining that it breaks my heart and that I love him so much, even now, but can no longer stand by and let myself be treated this way, and I left.
I did not sleep at all last night. It was horrible. I watched the sun come up and wondered if he had gotten enough money to overdose. I felt unbearable panic and I was so scared. It really was all I could do not to go running back to our apartment.
I called his dad today, told him what was going on, and he went to go check on my boyfriend. He found him- miserable, out of drugs, sick, but alive. His dad called my boyfriend's case workers and they took over.
I have a sanctuary, and I know now that I'm going to be okay. I think these past 24 hours have been the most awful in my life, but I'm so glad he's in good hands and able to get help now. I'm so relieved that he has lived to give sobriety another shot and I know that I did the right thing.

Just wanted to share- I read posts here all the time and they have helped me so much.

Ellie

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Festfan


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Ellie,
I can feel your pain in your post but what you did took incredible strength!  Give yourself credit for that!  Keep reading and posting and hopefully you have a F2F meeting near by that you can get to soon - it will help you to be around people who know and understand what you are going through. 

I will let the more eloquent people on this Board give you great advice, but I just wanted to give you a (((((hug))))) and let you know you are not alone. 

Peace,

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Peace!
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
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Hi Ellie

Welcome to MIP I am glad you posted and that you have found help visiting the Board and being enriched by the posts. 

You were very brave to take care of yourself last night. I know it was hard but you did it and then followed thru with constructive action today.  That was fantastic.  Your boyfriend is in the hands of people who can help him and you are here with people who understand this disease and can offer you tools so that you will not be filled with fear and anxiety ever again.

As you probably know from reading the board alanon has face to face meetings in your local comunity and we have on-line meetings here as well.

Help with finding local meetings near where you live may be found at the following web site:            http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon

Online meetings are held in the Al-Anon chat room associated with this site.

From the board click on Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat Room in the yellow box in upper left of the page.  After clicking on the link please be patient, sometimes it takes a while for the window to open.

Please try to understand that this is a disease and by living with this disease we become sick too.  You did not cause this you cannot control this disease and you cannot cure it. 

Just know you are not alone and that there is hope.  Just focus on yourself and Keep coming back 



-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 21st of January 2010 12:44:49 AM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Carol_Lynn


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you hang in there.

You got out of a situation that was probably bad for you.

I know it's hard.

It will be all right---the Higher Power will give you what you need.

Carol

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wildthang86


Senior Member

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Posts: 219
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Good job taking care of yourself. That is the first step in taking care of you. Which is very important. Your recovery is just beginning. I found it difficult to do at first. I was so used to taking care of everything and everyone else and then I realized that if I didn't do that then I was no good to myself or my kids. I had to STOP and make time for me to do something just for myself. I deserved it and so did my family. I usually just take about a half hour a day and do one thing just for me. Sometimes its just to take time and come to the board, other times I paint my nails or read a book or watch a movie that only I would like. But I deserve it and it recharges me to stay in touch with my own needs. Some people journal or come here and vent. But keep coming back and reading and/or posting. It helps.

Yours in recovery,
wildthang86

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Take the time to take care of YOU!!!
RLC


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1483
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(((sangyaa)))

Don't allow yourself to have a guilt trip because of "his" improper actions. The disease is in control and you or anyone else can't do one single thing about it. The disease is selfish and takes no prisioners. You did everything you could possibly do for him.

Now you need to turn the attention toward yourself. You state that you read post here all the time and they have helped you so much. Ellie, as other members have suggested, f2f meetings would be the very best thing you could do for yourself. One phone call and one hour of your time that's all it will take. Do it for yourself, you won't regret it, and you won't be alone anymore.

HUGS,
RLC

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Suzi1965


Veteran Member

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Posts: 40
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*Big Hugz* I also know how hard it is to take that step of leaving. I know your worried and I know its scary but you did the right thing, and as Ive learned in these rooms thats what you have to do for you, keep doing the next right thing.

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Learning to Transform it not Transmit it!

Charlie


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Posts: 38
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Ellie,

I'm proud of you for making the tough decision; for your strength and for your determination.   You need a shelter from all of the madness, a shelter from the abuse, a place to heal.   You demonstrated so much strength by walking out of that door.
I'm proud of you!
Why is it, I wonder, that we would call the police and have a thief arrested if they broke into our home and stole from us,  but, when our addicted love one is the perpetrator, we wonder what we have done wrong.... ?
Please remember that you are special and take care of yourself.
Others here have so much knowledge and love to share.
Please stick around and keep us company.






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maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 4578
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I left the ex A three years ago.  My life when I was leaving and after I left him for a year was one long roller coaster.  I felt absolutely responsible for him.  His life was one long nightmare, illness, poverty, homelessness, car crashes, court the works.

I swallowed all of it. Every single day was a repeat of another nightmare. Getting away was so so so hard.  One thing that really helped me was to limit my contact.  One weekend I shut down and did not answer the phone, guess what he survived. Then I extended that.  I relished the quiet and the silence.  I hooked back in so many times. Over time I got better at detaching.  I let go and let God.

I can't say my life is all thrills and peace at the moment.  The aftermath of living with someone with an addiciton is never pretty.  I do not feel responsible for others anymore.  I am progressing.

I am so glad you are here.

Maresie.

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maresie
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
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((((((Ellie)))))) - I admire your strength and courage.  Be gentle with yourself, and take comfort in that which you've missed out on.  Based on advice here and in F2F meetings, I'm taking it simple and doing really small things, for me, that I've neglected for a long, long while.  Very simple - bubble baths, manicure, facial, etc. 

Big hugs - glad you're here!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
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