The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
good morning all......01.00 and i can't sleep....am busy finishing today's task of writing the next chapter of my novel, a task that should have been finished almost 2 years ago but AH stopped me working on the computer because he needed...well you know how that one goes! now i am in my own place i can do lots of things. my dog has never been so well walked. my friends can come and go without fear of being ignored by the sulk in the corner. my children can contact me any time of the day without being interupted on the phone. i have a social life that doesn't revolve around the pub. my poems and writings are coming on in leaps and bounds. all these changes are happening because i have time for me! time to reflect! time to deliberate! time to plan! and, best of all, time to relax! i am just had a friend come to stay who was in an awful state, similar to mine. she is now sorted with accomodation of her own and ready to start her new life. the company has been most welcome as this is the first time we have met up in 2 years, our only contact having been through the internet when AH was out of course. tomorrow, i get my place back to myself as she moves on with her life, in her own space. we will help each other and support each other of course but we have both learned that we do not need to get emotionally involved with each other's dilemas, we just need practical support for a while. and when that need has gone, the friendship will be undamaged as no opinions have been exchanged and we can both enjoy making up for lost time, doing the things we enjoy doing either together or as individuals. my good place just gets better!!!
I do find the more productive I am the less likely I am to get enmeshed with others. I am so glad that you were able to be helpful to your friend with boundaries. I struggle with that as I want to do more than I can and have to negotiate with myself about the issue all the time.
I do find the more productive I am the less likely I am to get enmeshed with others. I am so glad that you were able to be helpful to your friend with boundaries. I struggle with that as I want to do more than I can and have to negotiate with myself about the issue all the time.
Congratulations.
Maresie.
i do know what you mean about wanting to do more...that has always been one of my faults...i am a leo too who typically "gives more than is asked of them". i am also a fixer. i mend people. its a trait i learnt from my grandmother who fussed over everyone in our family apart from herself. i somehow grew up with the thought that if i didnt fix or mend everything then i had in some way failed. i have since learnt, and am still learning, how to set my own boundaries....how far am i prepared to go? how much involvement can i cope with? will the world end if i say no? the generosity i have shown people in the past has often been thrown back in my face by the takers in this world. instead of pulling away, detatching before it got to that stage i would make even more of an effort!!!! but i am learning! AH has taken every liberty and squeezed every ounce of human kindness out of me that he could! it stops now! any help i offer him or anyone else needs to be appreciated and respected. setting your own mental boundaries is healthy, productive and makes life so much easier. be kind to yourself and work on yours today.
