Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> PAIN
Post Info TOPIC: PAIN
Suzannah


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 514
Date:
PAIN
Permalink  

Last night a very good friend called on me to bring me a gift, to ask how I was doing and to talk with me about my possible input in our community - we meet every other week to discuss various topics and work out how we can support each other through our life journeys.

One of the topics that has been chosen is PAIN and I was asked to consider speaking on that subject in order to open up the discussion for others.  This is going to be in a couple of weeks time.

Ironically, I have found myself yet again thinking hard about how I could use my personal experiences to help others through difficult times such as living with someone's addiction, dealing with bereavement, suffering and abuse and of course living with PAIN - be it physical, emotional or psychological.

Again, I let go and let God because I just did not know what to do and the PAIN of not knowing how I could turn my PAIN into a positive healing experience seemed to be a non-starter.  This has haunted me repeatedly over the years and at times I end up with my old self screaming at me in my head that I am neither qualified, clever enough nor strong enough to undertake even thinking about this let alone doing it.  Letting go and letting God therefore seemed to be the best course of action as I hear myself say to myself, " You know Suzs, if it is God's will that you do something with this PAIN and not just let it be managed/healed in you alone, then God will arrange it and show you what He wants you to do."  God is my Higher Power, as so many of you know, and therefore I took me out of the equation and put Him there instead by simply turning it over to Him.

Once again my HP has come through and here I am now contemplating a session for others so that they might think through the power of living with pain and making it WORK for them and others for the benefit of healing.

I have had so much PAIN in my life, as I am sure that you dear family could also testify.  DOING something positive with that PAIN and the healing that I have experienced to help others to live with PAIN and NOT SINK is an amazing challenge and an amazing concept to embrace.

It is only now, when I have started to really examine how I am to present this that I do realise the fullness of my healing and my positive attitude to the pain I still live with, and how worthwhile it is to work through it and see what I have gained from these situations. 

I wonder, if you had to talk on pain...what would you choose to say that might help someone else to work through what seems to be intolerable pain.  WHAT is the most intolerable PAIN you have experienced?  Is it a physical pain such as illness, injury, surgery, disability?  Is it an emotional pain such as rejection, abuse, blackmail, insecurity?  Or is it a psychological pain such as depression, anxiety or stress?  Is it what all I call  "EmoPysoPhys Pain" which embracing all  three aspects of pain such as the pain you feel for another,  pain of losing someone needlessly in an accident, or in an abusive way such as watching your loved one die from their addiction or another harming themselves in a desperate attempt to find help?

You have all probably like me experienced a mixed of these but I wonder what YOU would figure has been your most crippling PAIN.

I know that I view my PAIN in a very different way now that I have maturity behind me.  My pain has neither the same hold on me that it did in the past nor does it frighten me as it did.  It is no longer overpowering as I have managed to confront it head on, manage some of the pain in order to improve my daily life and some of my pain has in fact been healed over time.

This does not mean that I live a pain-free life for that is far from the present reality, it simply means that I have a different attitude to pain.  Now that IS liberating in itself.  A lot of that has been accomplished by my constant embracing of the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the SERENITY
To ACCEPT the things that I cannot change,
The COURAGE to change the things I can
And the WISDOM to know the difference.

Letting go, letting God gave me the SERENITY that in turn led to my ACCEPTANCE, that gave me the COURAGE borne out of WISDOM to know how to proceed.

Thank you family,
sent with love
Suzannah
heart.gif


__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.

Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
pineapple


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 844
Date:
Permalink  

Suzannah, in answer to your question - I have experienced many different kinds of pain in my life. Physical pain, and grief over the death of a loved one come to mind as some of the hardest. But the most crippling has been the pain of watching the man I love drinking himself to death and not being able to do anything to stop it. The serenity prayer along with this whole program has made it somewhat easier to bear. But the pain is still there. I hope you will accept the challenge of speaking on this subject. From reading your posts here I know you would be able to help others by sharing your ESH.

__________________
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Dear Suzannah

I do think it is a wonderful idea to use your experience with pain to help others endure and overcome.

I have know a great deal of pain in my life, I would consider that the  loss of  my husband ,  parents, sisters was high on the list,

the ongoing pain which I will feel every day until I am no more is:  the Loss of my only son to this disease. 

I have found a loss of an adult child grief  group invaluable to me.  Knowing  that I am not alone and am heard enables me to continue each day.  I do believe that that is the power of alanon as well.  Connecting with others who understand your pain, belief in a HP and owning your feelings really helps me

Good Luck with your discussion group   

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 20th of January 2010 11:50:34 AM

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
jasobel


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 63
Date:
Permalink  

Suzannah - this is such a powerful subject. Right now I am dealing with the pain of losing my ex-A boyfriend who left me after a several year relationship. I am also dealing with the pain of my friend dying from cancer. I feel it is the pain of losing someone to alcoholism is so much greater. The most cripplying pain is the anxiety, depression and stress. Due to the loss of my ex and the alcholism that affected that loss - I have at times been unable to function. I am in counseling, have a sponsor, attend meetings, am on medication -the whole package plan, but I still have mornings like this morning when all I can do is cry the pain is so overwhelming. I feel I can help my friend who is dying of cancer and I do all I can to help her. I don't feel there is anything I can do for my A-ex boyfriend - and that helplessness take me to the depths of despair. At times I can give him up to my HP and "let go", but more times than not the pain of losing him takes over. I have lost my father to a chronic illness and went through hospice, with him to I felt there were things I could do to make him more comfortable and take away his pain. But not with my ex - whether he was drinking or sober it was out of my hands. There was nothing I can do, just as now - there is nothing I can do.

 

Jill



__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

wow great question.

Susannah for me it has to be every frigging time someone, something I love dies.

Thats all I can say as just the thought makes my stomach tense up, eyes tear up and I can feel the depression wanting to peak around the corner.

HUGS to you my dear,debilyn

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4578
Date:
Permalink  

I know that for me there have been numerous instances of severe physical pain and illness.  Those times were indeed incredibly scary and I made it through them without much support or emotional help at all.

I have also had many many moments of tremendous emotional pain and upset.  Indeed there were times in my life I was suicidal.

I know for me personally I have had to look to resources to deal with issues like my health, emotional pain and difficulty.  Al anon is one of them.  I no longer believe I am the only answer to certain people's issues.  I know I can share my own experience strength and hope.  I also know that everyone has their own path.

I am glad that presently I do not have physical pain and difficulty.  I know I certainly will again as I am mortal.  I also know that there is a probability that I will have emotional pain issues.  Happiness is just one part of the spectrum of emotions and I expect to have unhappiness.  How I manage things today is very very different from how I managed in the past.  I have difficulties today rather than catastrophes.  I have tools today and reason for hope.  I did not have hope at all at certain stages of my life and one of the reasons I do have hope is that I have managed to detach and take care of myself rather than allow alcoholism to destroy me.

Maresie.

__________________
maresie
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> PAIN