The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I ended up ringing my friend she said that she had been holding in things becaus e she new I was in a bad palce. basically we had a reaally unhealthy relationship. I people pleased all my friends now that i am looking out for me some who are healthy are o.k but the friend who got drunk is in a bad place and feels I am deserting her. She keeps saying I used to do this and i would do this for you. I am a single mum of two teenagers , my partner is sober again after a slip in Nov, we are not living together at the mo, I work full time, have a home to run alone and I am totally finacually independent. Why is it that these people keep trying to get me to look after them. I just want to be friends to go out now and again and have the odd chat on the phone. She wants me to chat on phone for long periods of time which i find hard now i am getting healthier and she is so negative and full of self pity and very judgemental. I love her and know she is sick but I can only offer small chunks of my time due to other responsibilities to myself and children. we have always been to wrapped up in each others life. As I get better I do not want to engage on this level but she is trying all kinds of guilt trips. Wow look how much I have grown I am worrying about me. But people are still trying to manipulate me. Just answer my own question I care but I am no longer willing to neglect my children and own responsibilities to try and fix and rescue others anyone who can not accept that I will have to leave behind.
Thanks for listening
-- Edited by Tracy on Tuesday 19th of January 2010 03:40:19 PM
Great growth Tracy....YAY!!! This might be a good time to tell her your story of what you use to do, what you found out and what you do now and then tell her where you got it at.
Let her have your secret and invite her to uses it also if she wishes. That's loving. (((((hugs)))))
I so relate to this ... I have a friend that wants big chunks of my time to talk on the phone and is very negative and judgmental. She gets upset and not very nice occasionally and makes passive aggressive comments. I think she thinks that I abandoned her or replaced her - I used to have large chunks of time to sit on the phone and talk to her, and she would always give me a ton of advice about how I could live my life better. She'd always get kinda pissy if I didn't take her advice.
Forever, I didn't realize this friendship was unhealthy. When I started recovery, the less time I wanted to devote to the friendship. I don't have any animosity and I still see the friend occasionally, I just don't care to let her analyze my life and give me advice anymore.
