This is just a tip I thought I would share that helps me.   When I am feeling a particular emotion with my spouse (anger, frustration, bitterness, resentment, etc.),  I let myself feel that feeling, acknowledge that feeling, that that emotion is real.  : (    I may even look that up in the index of Alanon readers. as my topic. 

But THEN!   I turn it around on ME.  I go to the SELF-topics  in the index of "One Day at a Time"   "Courage To Change"   "Hope for Today" .      (Also, "Language of Letting Go"  Melody Beattie)

  (I look up topics like Self-Deception,  Self-knowledge, Self-Love, and so on.)

I am so surprised how the focus gets back on me and faster than I expected! 

The more I LEARN ABOUT ME, the better I get!