The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A left for Rehab today. I did not call to say bye. I did not call his mom. I did not call and offer support. However, at the last minute I sent him a pic via phone of him and his kids. I'm not sure why...well, maybe I am. I guess it was a last minute reminder of me. A last minute attempt to get reaction. Truth is, if he is already there- he probably didn't get it anyway, but I was disappointed in myself nonetheless.
(((CoD)))) Hang in there. It is progress not perfection that we have to keep in mind. We are human and make choices that we regret sometimes but you can't beat yourself up over those. You aren't perfect and none of us are. Put it into your HP's hands and let it go. Good luck to you and remember it is progress not perfection.
Please try to not beat yourself up for caring so much. You love that man. It isn't right or wong, it just is and it hurts when someone doesn't return our feelings LET ALONE have an incredible disease.
You're not alone. I have dealt with and AM dealing with the same feelings.
I've done that before, too - lots of times. I've told myself I'm not gonna call or text and held out a long time and then done one or the other. It happens. Like wildthang86 said, it's progress, not perfection. It's progress to realize that you have a motive when you think about calling/texting/sending pictures - that being to get a reaction. This realization took me a loooong time. I would always send the text and want a particular reaction and then be all hurt or angry when I didn't get exactly the reaction I wanted.
