The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You brought up some very relavent points in a clear well-thought -out way and I thank you. You are right about me taking care of me and I am scared that he will turn on me if he finds out. Thanks for understanding that point. But I also have no where to go and no money. My family will not help me anymore, they are tired of it. I cannot rent an apartment without any source of income. So I am working on getting a job and going back to school. I have skills so it shouldn't take very long to get going. You are right about my not being able to control his driving high while at work but I still feel like I should do something because if I saw someone driving on the road and I felt like they were intoxicated, I would call the police. So if I call his P.O. and they put him in a program I know he can't hurt anyone driving and he may benefit. Also, the po will note that I called about the problem and that I tried to do something therefore I most likely won't be implicated. Believe me, I've been through this numerous times. It's not like I want him to get in trouble, it's that I don't want someone else to be hurt. And as soon as he is out of my apartment I am getting divorced, a restraining order, and going to move on with my life. He is a good person but I finally feel like I don't want or need him in my life. Thanks for being there
I am glad I can help, as I said, I have been there so have experience in all I wrote you about.
I just hope that you know that we are NOT responsible for any imparied driving our addicted family member does. I don't just sit and watch, as if I approve, if I am home I tell him not to drive while drinking but have no control over whether or not he listens. If he does not listen and does it anyway, I don't worry anymore about it, I have done my part and the rest is up to him.
I know many will dissaprove of me saying this, but it is true. I don't call the police on him either. I have seen many many people driving impaired for one reason or another, and seen people driving erratically while EATING or on cell phones, all illegal, yet no one calls police on those people, I don't get this. If we lived in a perfect world and I called police on my DH and they would go out and give him help he needs it would be different. But we don't live in a perfect world. What if I call police and he gets arrested? He will probably lose his job,will have a POLICE record, and will probably find out that I did it and come after me. No siree, I am not getting involved with that. Last thing I need is raging addict coming after me for revenge for "ruining his life". He may still have all of this happen to him, but it will come as a natural consequence of his actions NOT me trying to "get him in trouble".
I see alanon as a way to REALLY let go of all of my responsibility to addict, he is adult, and not my child, so his actions do NOT reflect on me in any way.
I just live my life as law abiding as possible and try to teach my daughter to be good and healthy law abiding citizen as well. If my alcoholic husband chooses to break law and drive drunk that is HIS choice. I tell him not to if I am there, so he can't say I was any kind of "accomplice" or that I approve, but I know I can't stop him. For one thing he is bigger and stronger than I am, and has a mean temper.
I can't control him but I CAN control ME. I have a list of names and numbers I can call and got a cell phone so I can call for a ride if he is drunk so daughter and I NEVER have to ride with him if he is drunk. I have missed out on a lot refusing to ride in car with him drunk, but I am safe.
I hope things work out for you browneyes, remember...
FOCUS ON YOU and TAKE CARE OR YOU! Not just words, you have to live it...
