Heartbroken by someone in the program and so confused - Al-Anon Family Group

bernadette158 · Newbie

Heartbroken by someone in the program and so confused

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Bernadette...Some times alcoholics have other problems that don't get put together
good. Personality problems, psycological problems, physical problems and the like.
Buying you wine and accusing you of being drunk might have something to do with him
and how he perceives those outside of him.   You love a part of him that might not be
there; something that comes from your own projections like putting into a person some
thing you desire but they don't have. Alcoholics are known for being dillusional dry or
wet and some can get quite serious about the dillusion (see it as real). If the behaviour
is confusing the thinking and expression will be also. You might want to know what he is
meaning by calling you "drunk" Does he mean it as being under the influence of booze
or something else or someone else? Is he being figurative or literal. To me if you tried
ending it with him and he didn't get the message including hanging at the door until you
showed up I'd call that a problem with a forceful personality.  I couldn't know for sure
beyond my own experiences.   Keep yourself safe and go with what is sane. HP is what
does that for me.    Keep coming back.   ((((hugs)))) smile

bernadette158 · Newbie

Thank you, Jerry and tlcate. I appreciate your advice and insight.

kmarty · Member

Try reading the new book opening our heart transforming our losses....because this is grief your going through. What is my part is this break up?

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

The saying,"We cannot rationalize insanity," I learned from Al Anon. There is no use in trying to figure it out.

I had to learn all I can do is change me. The other person is who they are. If I cannot accept them how they are, then I leave it behind.

It must be very hard and frustrating for you. I relate so much. It is almost like someone else has taken over their body.

I look at my soon to be AH and it looks like the man I grew up with, had a son with and married. But it is not him anymore. Where did he go?

Very, very heartbreaking. Al Anon and HP are the only thing that helped me and are helping me to heal.

It is so hard too, like you, my Ah was my friend and I his for many years too. That to me was the worst thing to lose.

They are so very sick. Even in recovery they are still an addict with all the baggage that comes with that.

Keep coming, and I know for me there is nothing like being around a whole bunch of people who really can relate to where you are.

love,debilyn

DreamXL · Senior Member

The first thought that came to my mind when reading this bernadette was ....no emotional sobriety...In my opinion you just cant find someone more emotionally unavailable than an alcholic or addict. Once the drinking stops the emotional unavailablity doesnt just go away. Unless the core issues of why one drank to begin with are addressed and dealt with nothing really changes. Prayers your way...

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.