The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For the most part, my husband is improving by drinking less and his personality was starting to improve as well. I was happy with that.
The last few days he's been hitting the bottle more than he has been for the last few weeks and his ugly personality showed up today. It's that personality again. Whenever he looked at me today, it was like I did something wrong. For the most part, he was silent but when I tried to talk to him, he was agitated by my questions. he hardly moved, it seemed ike it was an effort for him to even move on the couch. He watched tv all day. Now I can see it, it's the same personality that he had last fall and I think the alcohol is the cause of bringing this out in him.
On a good note, he tried to stay home with me on New Year's eve. He was invited out (close to home) but remained almost until midnight until I told him to go. I felt like I was denying him to expect him to stay with me, when he was use to bringing in the New year with family and friends. I have to give him credit for that because I know he stayed that long for me. I ended up bringing in the New Year alone, but got a few phone calls, his the first, so I will have to be happy with that.
Dori an alcoholic can only do maintence drinking for so long then its back to normal , this is a disease its all or nothing . Drinking less is his way of proving to him self that he dosent have a problem , but its not working . If he dosent quit drinking for him self it will not stick he cannot quit to please us or anyone else he is either ready to quit or not .
Dori, I did the same thing, my BFA seemed to be doing so well the other day but at 5 pm, it's like the witching hour I could tell he was getting restless so I gave him "permission" to go out for a "quick one". Then when he gets back he can tell I am unhappy and he at first is apologetic and loving and then becomes arguementative. usually I take it in silence but the other night we had a scene in a restaurant and left before the meal arrived. i know he is unhappy at work so I try to rationalize that this is stopping him from drinking but I am trying to fool myself just as he is trying to fool me. I feel like I am one of those weak women in a soap opera. But decided to try an f2f meeting this week but I am so angry that I am the one attending the meeting and not him.
I refuse to give permission.. The most my AH gets out of me is. "well hun if you feel thats what you need to do" He quit asking. But I do understand the ugly personality, the always accusing looks, the grunts, rolling of the eyes.. the mumbles under the breath.. then when you try to ask whats wrong, if everything is ok.. then it is all your fault, your perspective.. there are times he actually gets me believing I am just overreacting, imagining the looks.. Heck maybe I am.. But I am not imagining the blame.. It is all me all the time in his eyes. Still wish there was a magic wand to cure this all for all of us.. but they say anything worth doing is worth fighting for.. so I guess I get to go hit the steps again, and again, and again... take care.. And may serenity and peace find us all... Sandy
