The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Practicing the "If you keep an open mind...you will find help"; from the ending statement in an Al-Anon meeting I ended up having a spontaneous 10th step moment where I was able to learn some of why I have been dealing with denial and my subconscious mind has been shouting from where ever it has been in the room of my mind. Discovery? I love to fart around...not take life/things seriously. I love to play and joke and sing and dance. It might be why HP can contact my spirit easily thru butterflies and birds and light dancey music. I have always wanted to look at life thru the Walt Disney filter and find the happiness rather than the sadness and sickness of this disease which I was with and thru. Why wouldn't I carry that attitude along thru my recovery program. It is a natural for me and it fits well with Let go and Let God and turn it over. When I do those slogans and more I can stay out and play rather than come into the classroom and learn. I realized that this is how I textured my veil of denial and I insisted that I have my way of dealing with the serious responsibilities of my life more than I should have so it became habit and is still hanging around and I have been finding it still useful. Going along with this 10th step was a "conscious" effort and that is what turns the light on when I need the light. I also had to consciously accept that part of the problem is that I am attention defficite and have been as long as I can remember also...It is the tap root psycologically to the sub-conscious/conscious switching. I am easily distracted especially when what draws me away from my responsibilites is safe and playful and happy and light. I was in a meeting when the awareness hit; a meeting where the fellowship were talking about discovery and change. It's a clue or awareness that I can work with for further discovery and change. Kinda scary because I don't know the outcome of it yet and this guy just loves guarantees.
This 10th has been a consequence of searching and fearless and open minded listening and your responses to earlier post have been teaching me. Keep coming back and thanks for those who have done so. (((((hugs)))))
The song by the Oak Ridge Boys comes to mind. "Dig a Little Deeper in the Well", and you will find water. So true with this program, it's amazing how your answer or some direction to what had been concerning you came during the meeting from a seed planted in your subconscious mind. HP at work again.
HP always gives me my answers, just not always in the time frame I request. I ask, and sometimes expect my answer to come as quick as light from flipping the switch.
Hey Jerry Thank you again for sharing your journey with us. I have been to powerful meetings where my denial blanket has been gently removed and the awareness was so very moving and huge . Your meeting must have been special.
I know the feeling of wanting guarantees but just remember HP has not brought you this far to drop you on your head. Just keep showing you, praying becasue you are doing fine ODAT
Thanks again
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 4th of January 2010 12:18:56 AM
