The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We had our very first step meeting Friday night-which I lead and it was awesome! We took turns reading Step One from Paths to Recovery and then at the end I "passed the basket" so to speak (it was more like a bad-lol) with all the questions from the end of the step and everyone picked a question and talked about it. It was a GREAT way to start the New Year and it really got me to thinking...
It's funny how I ALWAYS come back to step one. I used to think after I did my first round through the steps that that was it-DONE! But it never seems to be that way. I find my codependant self still returning daily to step one and wonder does anyone EVER get passed it totally without going back?
Even though I am no longer with the A in my life, the behaviors I learned from that relationship tumble into my life daily-codependancy at it's finest:)
I wondered last night just why do I struggle soooooo very much with step one? Seems it should be the easiest, after all it is what got me here, but to me it is part of acceptance another struggle of mine. Truth is I am a CONTROL FREAK big time! I struggle daily with my HP and turning things over.......I turn them over and take them back, turn them over and take them back always thinking I can probally get this right, or done faster etc. (have to love the reasoning of a sick mind-like I am soooooooo much more together than my HP right?-lol) And if I'm powerless isn't that like saying I'm weak?
I think I finally figured it out a bit. Why I just can not seem to say "I am powerless over alcohol/others and my life is unmanageable" and I think it is because if I admit that I am powerless......then that means someone else is in control!!!! WOW! What an eye opener! Now all I have to keep in mind is that that someone else is NOT another person, it is my HP and He knows what is best for me even when I buck the system:)
Soooo looking forward to revisiting the steps again.....Thanks for letting me share
love and peace shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I, too, am struggling with step one. I was trying to control the situation with my AS, and the results were not good. So I am back to step one and trying to let go of that control. I am praying that my son finds his way back to sobriety, but I keep reminding myself I can't get him there..he has to make the journey himself. Man, it is HARD for me! Good luck. Your words helped me a lot. Suzi
I am reminded of a story in Forum magazine a few months ago, that was submitted to them by a member of MIP. In her story she told about her A-son who for years she enabled, tried to help and tried to change to no avail. Then one day she heard a speaker at an AA meeting state that they had heard hundreds of alocholics tell their story over the years, and not once had she heard one of them say they were saved by their Mom.
At that point she decided she would detach, quit enabling, and turn her son over to her HP. She said it was the hardest thing she ever did. Guess what he got sober. Later her son told her that the best thing she ever did for him was when she started doing absolutely nothing.
To paraphrase a "thought for today" out of the Courage To Change Al-Anon book, "It is best to allow the alocholic in our life to make their own mistakes and suffer their own consequences without any interfrence from us. In the long run the both of you will be better off".
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Sunday 3rd of January 2010 03:25:23 PM
So glad the Step meeting went so well. Step meetings are the only meetings I attend at this point. they help so much.
As far as step 1 is concerned I could not have taken that step without believing that HP had control So for me Step 1 , 2 and 3 came together very fast.
I credit the Slogans for leading me to the Steps " Let Go Let God" and " I cann't,Hecan, Let Him" for me are the first 3 Steps.
I would say those thoughts at so often during the day that it became a firm belief.
Aloha Shelly...Good Meeting!! Good results. Thanks for sharing them here it's got some similarities to where I am at right now, what I've been doing and what I need to change.
That doesn't mean somebody else is in control- I've stopped letting AW control me. Which makes sense, because she's not in control of herself- emotional turmoil and A are in control. So why let her A control me? It doesn't make sense. Finally, I saw that light and ended that.
I too am a recovring control freak and no we are not weak if we accept this powerlessness ~ we are waking to reality. The reality is we can control very very little in life. Not the weather, not other people's moods or actions - all I can do is work to detach from attempting to control other things. I think as an ACoA, it was out of fear that I tried to control things. All the while being out of control myself... obviously if I am focused on everything else but me, I am terribly out of control.
I had to revisit steps 1-3 daily for years. Accepting my powerlessness, gives me the opportunity to take control of the only one thing I can control ~ me. It all comes back to focusing on me and how can I empower myself today. Empowering myself is detaching from the idea that I can control anything outside of my own hula hoop. I accept and embrace my powerlessness, I should not be attempting to control the whole world.
Once I did fully accept this concept and get busy with me, I felt the unlimited possibil;ities HP/God has in store for me. If I surrender to HP/God and stay mindful of just me and keep practising detachment - I found I had a lot of energy, hope and I began to find peace. I had to literally fire myself from the rest of the world and seriously embrace me and working the program.
MYOB Minding my own business was a good umbrella term for me that encompassed trying to control outside things & things that were none of my business.
I am all I can change or control and it is a relief to accept that. I may be powerless over the whole world but I do have a lot of power over myself today. That is an incredible Blessing.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Ha-ha. I just posted something similiar as I am really forcing myself to accept powerlessness. It is so very hard. I find I am FIGHTING it - the resistance on my end is incredible.
Kitty - your post TOTALLY hits home to me (but you are funnier!). Whenever I think I know best about something, I have actually said, "If only they would let me run the world.." - usually joking, but with a component of truth. Maybe I should "fire" me too (will I get a severance package?).
I find it so hard to not say whatever is in my mind - because I "know better" - right?! But with the non-A friends, I usually say it with love or humor and most of the time its not taken wrong. But with my ABF, I can go from zero to "bee-yotch" in 5.3 seconds. I sound like a harpie! It makes me so angry with myself and I can't imagine it does anything good for the BF either...
Anyway - thanks for the post - I need all of the ESH on step one that I can get!
I was trying to control the situation with my AS, and the results were not good. So I am back to step one and trying to let go of that control. I am praying that my son finds his way back to sobriety, but I keep reminding myself I can't get him there..he has to make the journey himself. Man, it is HARD for me!
