I need advice - Al-Anon Family Group

Sam72 · Veteran Member

I need advice

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Sam :)

There is free literature you can pick up at any meeting. I think I'd rather give them literature rather then voice my discontent with what they are saying. That could open a can of resentful worms. biggrin

On the other hand, feeling the consequences of her actions may be a blessing in disguise for your partner's sis.

And then there is the option of just staying out of it.

Christy

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I kinda think like Christy some of the time...can't cook or sing like her but...ooooh well
having the family turn up the heat on your partner's sister might help raise her bottom;
that crash point where they start looking for help for themselves because they can't
stand the pain any longer. You can't fix any of them...Turn them all over and let God
sort them out. Everything I ever tried to use to fix my alcoholic wife made the
situation even worse. Go figure the Al-Anon Groups were right all along.

(((((hugs))))) smile

agapaga · Newbie

Blessing in disguise, I like that! That is a nice way to say it! I am a double winner. The police were not "nice" to me. But now I look back and feel grateful they weren't. Sober 17 years. Best thing I ever could have done, and without a LOT of discomfort from people who cared, who I hated at the time, it would have not happened. God Bless. I wish I had a more cheerful message! But the future is bright if you keep your chin up.

Sam72 · Veteran Member

I need to clear something up, Is Alcoholism a disease? This woman I have written about, has been left on her own in a big house and has already fallen and her face is black and blue. I f alcoholism is a disease as I have been led to beleive then why abandon the alcohic when they need people and their family the most. this hasnt been going on for years, why should family apply the tough love thing, when she is so drunk she cant make clear decisions. should people abandon someone with cancer and be mean to them. Isnt it also a disease? If she wasnt on her own and her husband didnt leave her two days before christmas to her own devices, I would say yes to the tough love thing.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My thought is disease or not, she is hurting. It is horrible to be abandoned period.

Also another thought is, the addiction is the primary problem. At least it is in my esh.

If it were someone in my family, I know if I could, I would go there to evaluate the situation. If she is in the last stages of addiction she cannot get help by herself.

As it is it sounds like you guys don't know what is going on. It is my esh and nature not to make any decisions until I see thing for myself.

You are a very compassionate person. We have to learn however what is helping and what is making it easier for the sick person to keep using. Also we have to be careful not to be drawn into the mess.

sending you love and strength. debilyn

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Well she doesn't have to be all on her own there is AA. I have to really personally rail in the rescuing. I can be kind and compassionate towards people and am. At the same time I know where my limits are.

I think there is also a need to be kind and compassionate towards those around an alcoholic. Many of them get totally burned out, washed up and totally out of it with resentment. I do believe that we need to be as understanding to them as we are to the alcoholic and stay away from the black and white. The whole picture is not the victim alcoholic and the unhelpful family. The issue is far far more complicated than that.

Maresie.

Sam72 · Veteran Member

Ok I see where you are coming from, but in this case she hasnt had the problem that long. yes her husband may have been dealing with this for a while, but the rest of the family have only known for about 5 weeks. For that reason I'm very upset with them for giving up on her and turning their back on her so soon. She just ended up in hospital over the weekend, she had some sort of seizure. Where is her Husband and her daughter. Not there, she gets released from hospital and goes home to an empty house. can somebody tell me how this is being supportive of her, I'm so angry. she has been the perfect citizen for over 50 years. A loving wife for over 30 years and mother for over 30 yrs. Now when she needs them to stand by her, what do they do. They turn their back on her. Sorry i needed to vent. I have my own A partner and things are really tough at the moment. So I think this other situation is just getting to me more than it should. I dont mean to offend anyone and I'm very sorry If I have.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.