The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
why dont you ever listen to me? please daddy hear my silent screams for help dont continue to ignore me and pretend you didnt hear them why cant you see my pain? why dont you ever understand me?
just once i wish you'd say i love you simply because i am your little princess why cant you admire my true beauty? and see me for the sweet lovable girl i really am listen to me and ill might even make you laugh friends say im funny and a very caring young lady
im your daughter and yet you dont even know me i keep crying out to be acknowleged why have you never heard my calls? im begging you to understand me open your eyes and look at the person standing before you
i grew up believing everything you did was right i feared your wrath and drunken outburst yet i always tried so hard to please you and still i never got it right i always fell short of your expetations
why did i fail to win your love? why have you never heard me cry? why have you never listened to me? why was i never good enough? why was i so different that you could never accepted me?
you heard my voice yet you never listened to me you seen my face yet you never really seen me you stood beside me yet you were always miles away
you were my hero i was meant to be your baby girl or so i thought that was how it was meant to be
but now im your enemy im the one to shout at to insult when you are mad to be your bag just beacuse your my dad
your the first man i ever loved you could do no wrong in my eyes you were a hero
your the one who was to meant to love me you should have protected me from the evil in this world i wanted to sit on your knees and be cuddled to feel safe in your arm and know i was loved
but then one day i realised i was wrong your not a hero this isnt how we should be your not meant to say the thing you do im not suppose to feel this fear
i hide in my room and listen to your roar cry myself to sleep to the sound of your abuse your words are so hurtful and cruel your breaking my heart and killing me
but now i realise your just some man you have your faults and so many hurts but dad dont blame them on me
i was a baby, a child, your daughter you made me in love and were suppose to care for me no matter what my faults were to be
i know that your beloved daughter died and you wanted her here and so do i but you made me too why cant you love me too is there no room for two inside of you
i dont understand why looking at me causes you so much pain is it because i remind you of her daddy she a angel but im real please love me too
i know now we will never be a proper father and daughter a special loving bond will never exist you've hurt me so much and for this i cannot trust
now i wish i never existed but you made me and on this earth i must survive i have listen to them words you say and i believed you because i thought you told the truth
but now it time i find the love you failed to give now i must go and find someone who will tell me the truth i need to find myself and learn to love in proper enviroment
i need to go and find someone out there someone to love me faults and all but no one can replace you
i can never be a daddy's girl cause you dear daddy have a dead angel and missed out on knowing me i loved you to bits even them cruel words couldnt stop me loving you
but it cant go on much more or soon you will have two dead angels unless i find someone to teach me the love of which you deprived me im a special girl and deserve love
I think we can all see ourselves in some form in your poems. Please know that your Dad has a disease and he is not drinking at you. What he says to you does not form who you are, unless you allow it to. We know A's are sick, emotionally. If we stopped and thought about it we would wonder why we take to heart what the disease is saying to us. Seeking emotional support from an A is like going to the hardware store for bread. I'm not discounting your feelings, just hopefully redirecting them. Alanon has tools and the support needed to help you live the life you deserve. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. There's a whole life out there that doesn't include believing what the alcoholic says or thinks you are. It embodies who you want to be and finding the strength and tools needed to become that person.
Keep coming back, Christy
"Release Others Expectations. If you focus on what others expect of you, youll continue to act on and attract more of what they desire for you. But when you can shift your inner thoughts to what you intend to create and attract into your life, you will no longer have to give mental energy to what others want for you...." - Dr. Wayne Dyer
-- Edited by Christy on Saturday 2nd of January 2010 04:40:37 PM
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
