The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Need to sort out some thoughts here. Helps me so much just to post what is swirling in the brain, see the thoughts.
So on my brain's agenda this morning seems to be "willingness" I keep asking myself am I willing. I have been reading alot. Not my normal entertaining reading, alanon, and several other self help and spiritual books. I read and ponder read and ponder. Lots of eye opening pondering. It is like a light has been turned on that shines in the corners of my mind and I can see alot of boxes of stuff stored back there. The kind of stuff you hold on to, but no one else would want. The kind of stuff, I wouldn't want to bring out in front of company and do a show and tell. Then I think that's enough of that. and start a new book. Guess what the light is there again and the message seems to be the same.
So here is where the willingness question comes into play this morning. I just want to go fishing. I want to be on the ocean and feel the freedom, Do the things I have always done...business as usual... but hp wants me here, the weather wouldn't make a good boat trip, I can't drive myself down there. Have doctor's appoiments coming up. Should keep hold of the money.
And if I am really honest here, although I don't read it much, I read my horoscope for 2010...Basically it said I would be taking time this year to work on myself, didn't say what I wanted. I wanted it to say Clear Sky and great sailing...The message really seems to be everywhere. Who turned this light on?
Hp's message seems to be...Stick with the books, you see the message, most of the books have been here forever, alot of them were given to us along time ago. Like HP is saying ok I gave you your chance, you didn't take it then...Are you willing to now?
So there are the brain thoughts along with this one that made me sit down and write this out.
Are you willing to do the work? OR Do you want to carry on as you have in the past and hook up with another A and blame everything wrong in your life on him? OR Do you want to find real happiness by taking to time to sort out all those boxes of stuff really give it anew look in some light work on some forgiveness of myself and others. Give it up, Basically let it go!!
If I am willing will it all come about in time? You know I know the answer to that question but it still swirls in my head. Think I am going to go read a book and maybe just relax and try a new concept patience. I hope this makes some kind of sense.
