ESH Please!!! - Al-Anon Family Group

Ragdolls · Member

ESH Please!!!

DreamsOver · Senior Member

((((((Ragdolls))))))

Hang in there! Take a deep breath, you have done the right thing, you shouldn't take responsibility for his taken your credit card. Cancel your cards, and do something good for yourself right now, take a long bath, light a scented candle, watch a favorite movie, read poetry.

I KNOW this sounds trite and simple, but it does calm you down.

People here understand.

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Way to take a stand for unacceptable alcoholic behavior. You can be alone. This is a good time to pile the program of Alanon on you for help and support. I have been on my own for almost five years. My AHsober left. I was scared and I cried every day. I am now not so scared and cry less often. I receive help from Alanon, friends, family, and strangers. You can do this. We are never really alone. We have our HP's for strength, solace, and serenity.

In support,
Nancy

CJ recovery · Veteran Member

One of the points of Al-anon is to stop enabling the A. By taking on the responsibility for the CC charges, what did you do? Will it help him reach bottom, or cover for him?

Detachment is very difficult initially; I had more difficulty with it because I was afraid AW would leave if I didn't make her happy. I finally cut her off from my CC, quit paying bills that weren't paid, threatened to quit the small joint account direct deposit. This had a chilling effect on our relationship- but it showed me how she valued me.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Remember that this is all his doing, not yours. Asking him to leave is not giving up on him. It is helping him to see that his actions have results. Alcoholics need to know that before they realize that they can make the decision to stop drinking and that their lives will change. Letting him experience the consequences of his decisions is believing in him and his capacity to take control of his own destiny. You wouldn't ask a two-year-old to leave, because they really can't handle their own lives. But asking an adult to leave shows that you know he's an adult. He's been acting like a two-year-old, but that doesn't mean he's not really an adult. But you can't get him to change. Only he and his HP can do that. So let go and give him room for his HP to get at him.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I feel your pain, I know you hurt horribly. I learned to raise my abdomen as I breathed in. It helped to relax that horrible gut anxiety. Took three deep breaths and then blew out the pain and awfulness.

Wish I had charged my ah. My credit would not be forever ruined. I had perfect credit. Had bought my own house and new pickup.

If we take away consequences for behavior, we do not learn.

My A would threaten to leave and I would say,"Well there --------> is the door."

Our A's are not our kids. They are adults with a disease that only they can change. It is not up to us. If he was not an A would you put up with what you are?

I know it is hard. I loved mine too. Did you put a funnel in his mouth and pour it in? Did you take his hand and charge all that stuff?

A or not, they are still responsible for the behavior.

I hope you can find some comfort. I took care of my basics, naps, drank a lot of fluids as eating was a real problem. Was here in the chat room for hours. It took me away. Was so cool. I honestly went out of my body and was in the chat room with everyone. amazing time.

Hugs and know we care. debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Rags...God the credit card drama and the car loan and the Sears account and all
the other stuff...overwhelming and even that is temporary when you take it just one
baby step at a time. Get to the face to face meetings where you will have real people
who will stand with you and offer you the ESH that worked for them.

You Can Do This (((((hugs))))) smile

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