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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> it's been a long time
Post Info TOPIC: it's been a long time
lostcadc


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Posts: 6
Date:
it's been a long time
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Hello all and happy new year.
I haven't posted in months. I became complacent. Partly because my A had moved out for a year and because of my pride. I am a substance abuse counselor in a rural part of Idaho. When I go to the one local meeting I am confronted by former clients and families of clients who want me to "fix" them. I can't be one of them because I am supposed to be the expert. So I don't have local support.
This morning I attempted to get my relapsing A out of the house by using his physician and AA fellow. My A drank all night and is always verbally abusive when he drinks. I paid the price. They both ripped me to shreds and said that I need to "plug in". So here I am. Not feeling safe physically or emotionally, with no money and no place to go. They are correct that I need to plug in.  But don't I have the right to feel safe as well?
My A got a DWI and leaving the scene charge in August. In September he started working a program. He was going to meetings everyday. 3 on Fridays and 2 on Sundays. By the end of October he had dropped 2 of the meetings on Friday and by the middle of November he had dropped one of the meetings on Sunday. (I know...I'm taking inventory)I of course am told to "work my own program and leave him alone" if I inquire if he is going or mention that he seems to be cutting back. By the middle of December he was in full relapse mode. His last court hearing was on Dec. 21st and he relapsed that night. He is on 5 years supervised probation suspended sentence of 4 years jail. I have been watching the train wreck come and now here we are. The reality is that I cannot afford to leave and he won't leave. God help me...I do not believe that he will not stay sober today. When he gets caught violating probation he will lose his job. I don't think I will be able to meet the bills. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being alone. Worse, I'm afraid of continuing to live with an A. I'm physically and emotionally drained. I feel better having this forum at least I can vent. I won't stay away so long this time.

__________________
EKR
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
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Lost, he has not lost his job yet. I know for me, when I empowered myself, I felt better. I had a plan and did it. One day at a time.

One way to get rid of that fear is to protect ourselves. Stick money away, get car in my name. Look around at how much rents are, look at where they are available. Have a place to stay if I choose to get out quick.

I know here there are neat apartments in old houses.

When we are proactive and doing something it makes us feel better. We don't dread what might be.

I know what you mean. I have been the strong one so long, survived so much, done so many things that others honestly do not think I need anything. Part is my fault as I hate feeling like a burden, so I say no when someone ever offered help.

So now when I am really in need I am afraid to ask for it.

Learned to not depend on anyone else but me. I mean as far as finances etc. These days, to me, that is so dangerous.

Going by what you said, I have great faith in you. You will be ok! Keep coming.

love,debilyn

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
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