I haven't been posting much the past few weeks. My alcoholic boyfriend had left me to binge with another woman at her place. He called me in a horrible place to pick him up and I did, brought him home to detox - he stayed with me - said he wanted to be with me again, until he painfully left 2 weeks later and now is back with this woman. They are both in AA and supposedly sober. The problem is I put myself through hell by picking him up - thinking I could save him, bringing him home - only to go through the incredible pain of having him leave again - again to live with her. I have been i so much pain. Today at work I couldn't stand it. I also haven't been going to meetings. I went to a noon meeting and it was a nice small group. I haven't gone since he came back home. I cried the whole time and then I asked the woman who led the meeting to be my sponsor. I realized from that meeting what I had done by picking him up from his girlfriends house when he was drinking - mainly the horrible pain I put myself through feeling I could control him, I could save him - I could bring him back home to love me only to have him leave me again for her. So now I am committed to do the steps and the program, I wasn't as committed before. I feel like I have hit rock bottom by having him leave me twice in 6 weeks. The second time he left was harder than the first time.  I have been praying and asking my HP for guidance and I know I was guided to go to this meeting. I knew I had to ask her to be my sponsor even though I didn't really know her at  all. I knew I had to ask to save myself. I knew I needed help. I just have to have faith this will help me - because no amount of therapy, or friends, or medication has been helping me thus far.