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For the past week or so my anxiety has been in over-drive. At first I thought perhaps it was hormones because I was off my BC pill. But I'm back on now and still have the anxiety.
In 2 weeks, my husband is supposed to be going into jail for 45 days for a DUI and I'm pretty sure that's the source of my anxiety. I constantly worry about being home alone with our son. With all this flu stuff on the news I worry about getting sick and/or dying. I know it sounds crazy and extreme, but that's the way my anxiety makes me feel - I blow little things out of proportion. Of course knowing the source isn't helping much. It seems like every little thing is bringing on my anxiety.
The funny thing about all this is that my husband seems to be doing better than me. Some sort of miracle happened and he hasn't had a drink in over a week - he actually spent Christmas sober and went to a meeting that day - I was so impressed.
So if he's doing so well, why am I doing so bad? I have a therapist and a psychiatrist (in fact, I have an appt. with my psychiatrist next week). I take anxiety medication (as needed) and I've learned a few coping techniques from my therapist. With all these tools, I still feel like I'm in the beginning stages of my anxiety - before I had any help or knowledge at all. I really hate this feeling.
I know I've posted here before about my anxiety, so if any of you who responded before, and have dealt with anxiety too could give me some encouraging words, I'd really appreciate it.
Can you get some flu shots. I had the swine flu shot the other day. I think it is now open to everyone to get.
I do understand the anxiety. Whenever the ex a left for whatever reason I felt absolutely helpless without him. I had allowed myself to become incredibly dependent on him.
My anxiety was tremendous. The more I could learn to detach the better. The more I focused on what I needed to do the better.
The ex A had many many criminal issues, hitting and running, fines galore. I stopped obsessing about when he was going to court, what happened and what might happen. I started focusing on taking care of me.
The more support I got the better. The more I put the focus on me the better.
I was in a state of anxiety for nearly thirty years. For me the cause of it was projecting ~ looking into the future and going off on tangets of what might be. I learned that to be able to get into right now/today, that meant I had to stop focusing on the future. Face it, none of us knows what will happen. I found all it did was create anxiety and take me away from anything I could do to empower myself right now.
I guess ur part of why ur AH is doing well, is bc he is working it. I know how hard it is to take the focus off of others and put it onto us, but that is exactly what you need to do. When u notice ur thoughts on him, re-focus them back to you. Keep doing this over and over. Dont beat yourself up about it, simply re-direct ur focus to YOU and keep practising it.
Sometimes doing something can help, like taking a walk to clear ur head or go to a park and see nature or meditate. I know when I'm stuck I pray and give it over to HP/god, whatver it is that's bothering my mind. Sometimes it's worry and if I turn them over, I can get me back into focus again.
A few years ago, I used to have to literally make lists for myself, giving me something to do that would empower me & help me. It might have said: eat healthy food today, clean kitchen, take out trash, pray & meditate. Then when I did each thing I felt like I was accomplishing things to cross off the list and it did empower me.
I also had to forgive myself a lot too just for needing help and being "messed up" in the first place.
I had the same expereince as maresie, the more I focused on me the better I got and the more I set and followed through on my boundaires, the more detachment I felt. That did make me a lot more healthy.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I hope u are attending f2f meetings for yourself , you need support . Sober is not the answer to all of our problems unfortunatly but it helps . Goin to court sober and with a few meetings under his belt won't hurt him either . Take care of yourself and your son there is still nothing u can do about him . And remember with or with out him YOU are going to be okay . Your not the first wife to fall apart in sobriety and you won't be the last so don't beat yourself up , resentments and anger often take over they appear to be doing great - rang a bell with me . Please find meetings u are woth the effort , is hubby is sober you can safley leave your child with him for a h r or so to attend a meeting of your own , you too need to recover . Good luck Louise
Yes! I have felt this exact way - my A boyfriend who left me two weeks ago is doing great and I am an anxious absolute mess! I am also seeing a therapist, on anxiety meds etc. - and he is doing none of that but he writes me as to how great he is doing. I can't sleep despite medication and can't eat much. I am slowly dwindling away why he is as happy as can be with his new girlfriend.
I agree with the others - get yourself to a meeting. I was putting it off and putting it off and finally I just left work today, took off and went to one I was so anxious and so desperate. I also got a sponsor so when I am in that horrible anxious space again I have someone to talk to. Right now all my friends too are doing great and are tired of my anxious talk. I have been in alanon for months now but realized it would be my only salvation for this horrible anxiety. And yes I do agree its looking into the future. Its hard for me to say -let me just get through this one more day without him. I can do that - but I can't feel I can get through the next week, or even the next weekend
I am glad you shared, because I have felt the same way.
maresie - I'm afraid to get a flu shot. I've never had one and I'm afraid that if I get it, I will get sick (I've heard that has happened to a few people). My son got the flu shot a few months ago, but I still haven't made up my mind about the H1N1 shot.
jill - I understand exactly what you mean about friends getting sick of the anxiety talk. I have lots of friends who care about me, but just don't get it. Luckily I have a few friends (even one in the program) who have dealt with anxiety and those seem to be the people whoa re easiest to talk to during times like this.
I AM going to meetings - they really help me when I'm feeling bad. I get to at least 2 a week and I also have program friends that I can contact. I don't have a sponsor yet - I know I need one. Perhaps that will be my New Year's Resolution. Thanks to all of you for your words of wisdom! MIP is definitely a life saver.
Every time you do something new, there's anxiety. I can remember things in my life that absolutely terrified me, and which now I do without thinking twice. So I really think some anxiety is natural. It doesn't mean anything will go wrong, or that you're not prepared enough or not capable enough. It just goes with the territory. Remember FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.
But I also think that some of us have grown up in such precarious, unstable, uncertain surroundings that fear has become our natural state. We grew up in fear and it's still with us. And so we look around for something to attach it to, and when we find something we say, "That's right, that could happen! I was right to be scared!" Then of course we dwell on it and get more scared. But the feeling came first, and the "reasons" came along as a false way of explaining the feeling.
The way I understand it, when you're a child and your parent isn't reliable, your life really could be in danger. We hunger for a stable person to feel attached to and we never got it. Then we grow up and try to attach to an alcoholic (their unreliability feels so familiar and normal!). And when they leave or seem as if they're going to, we get that same panic that we did when it felt like our parents might abandon us.
I had so much panic when I first began to live without my alcoholic, even though I was the one who asked him to leave. But when he actually did leave, I felt like I was so fragile the wind might just blow through me. It felt like the whole universe had abandoned me. I imagined every kind of disaster that might hit me: terrible illnesses, every kind of thing. (I won't even say what they were because they'll put ideas in your head, as they did mine, but they were all pretty unrealistic!) And I did even get the flu a couple of times. I was amazed to find -- I was fine. Whatever happens, you get through it. People come through that you wouldn't expect. I was more capable than I had dreamed. I was astonished when one woman told me that she had been worried about being a single parent but when she saw how well I was doing it, she wasn't worried any more. It was a huge gift for me to be able to see that I could do much, much more than I thought I could. Sometimes it's very busy, but once I got into the swing of it, it's not even that hard.
I bet it's the same for you. I bet your mind is having those fits of panic the way mine did, but that they're not about real life, they're about False Evidence Appearing Real. That doesn't mean you don't need support! Support is essential! Keep coming back because we're here for you, and I bet there are many around you who are too.
