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Tonights meeting in the chat room was on Expectations, Rejection and Acceptance. I sat and listened (read) the shares and kept thinking that I needed to share, but kept putting it off. I really needed to share on these topics so thought I might post something here.
Here's my dilema that these topics relate to: I just got divorced in August from my alcoholic. (rejection issues) We had been seperated since February of this year. I started dating a guy (not an alcoholic) in September of this year. His nephew has a drinking problem and an anger management problem. My boyfriend is a farmer and lives in Kansas. I live in Missouri. We are about a 3 hour drive from each other. He has been coming over on weekends and stays quite awhile. I can't drive out to Kansas because I take care of my elderly mother who has alzheimers and I can't leave her.
So here is the problem: the nephew is my boyfriends farming partner and has decided to take an instant disliking to me because he thinks I am a distraction to his uncle. I've been projecting that the nephew will "blow up at me" at the family get together on New Years Eve. This is a concern of my boyfriend, since there will be drinking.
So the topic of "Expectations" hit home for me. I know that a positive outcome is as likely to happen as my worst imagined nightmare. Al-anon has taught me this. I also know that Expectations are premeditated resentments. So I have to be careful and guard my "expectations" of this nephew. I do want to have a "plan" of how I will handle the situation in case it arises, but I want to "let go and let God" with this issue.
I have a real hard time with "Rejection". And I feel like this nephew has "rejected" me without even meeting me. I know intellectually that "other peoples opinions of me are none of my business", but for some reason this is really getting to me. I know I need to get to "Acceptance" of the situation, but it has been hard.
Any insight or suggestions on how I might get to "Acceptance" of the situation would be greatly appeciated.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I've come to understand that if someone has a problem with you, it is totally theirs to deal with. Just as your issues with rejection and acceptance were created by a circumstance, so is his issue with you. So, if you look at it that way, when and if he spews his venom, you can be assured it's not really about you. LOL..just reminded myself of something John said once "stand back so they don't puke on your shoes", which means detach. It works for A's, words and situations. It's about some insecurity or life problem HE has. You have nothing to defend, considering what this guy thinks is totally unimportant. Just take your tool box with you and refuse to be affected and expect to have a great time :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Great responses. And yes I have a Plan B. I have a motel booked for my mom and daughter and I to stay at. If things get too out of hand I plan on exusing myself, without a scene, and spend the evening watching the tv programs that focus around New Years Eve with my daughter and mom. Is Dick Clark's Rockin New Years Eve still on? One of my personal favorites.
I loved your suggestions Christy, " if someone has a problem with you, it is totally theirs to deal with." how very true.
I was recently talking with someone in chat that had read my post and they suggested just saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way." to any remarks that he might make. I think I will add that to my box of "tools" to use in the event anything happens. I have a literal "box of tools" that I carry with me that includes a bunch of Proverbs and sayings about holding ones tongue in the presence of the wicked. It's a good rememberance for me. It has served me well in the past and I'm sure it will serve me well in this instance.
Thanks for the reminders everyone.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
