The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have expectations toward myself and others today and I am trying to drop them.
My a wants special diet cookies and I don' tfeel like baking right now.
My sponsor and i had gone shopping and bought regular cookies, but did not expect a to want diet ones so badly.
also, I am agoraphobic and (not to mention, the stress of making a new friend, Lia) never made it to the laundromate to wash a's new shirts I am giving him for Xmas.
I want to do so much for me and others for Xmas, but am limited.
One thing I am learning in Al anon---drop all expectations!
Of myself and of others.
Just enjoy the feelings.
and let negative feelings wash over me like a waterfall; they will pass.
Expectations are a good thing to let go of this time of year and all year long. For me that was a hard habit to change. I always seemed to have these unrealistic expectations.
Right now, in fact, I am having a hard time not expecting my 9 yo ds to do as I tell him, when I know he will not. I need to be assertive and teach him to comply when I tell him something. That is something that has been let slide lately and is seriously getting out of hand. LOL
So, please try hard not to EXPECT yourself to learn how to let go of expectations all at once. Ha ha. It takes time and you will make progress as you work at it. Progress, not perfection.
Just keep up the good work and remember, too, you are not a mind reader. Your A could have just told you that he wanted diet cookies before you went shopping, so don't sweat it.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I did some reading in ODAT today specifically on "expectations" because I have been a little weepy and a lot confused today regarding my own expectations of others at this holiday time and my resulting disappointment. I left my reflection time with, "Why would Christmas time be any different than the rest of the year?" To expect others to be different, act differently, or to be emotionally available to me just because it is a holiday is insanity in itself! Detachment, keeping focused on myself and my own needs, and staying focused on the joy and wonder of the holiday for and with my children is where the serenity comes for me. I am working hard to keep expectations and self-pity in check with constant gratitude and appreciation for my amazing blessings.
If you are agoraphobic and managed to go shopping with your sponsor today on an extremely busy and hectic shopping day--that in and of itself is progress and a celebration of your courage!
I'm glad your holiday was a good one. I think you are picking up very important tools from your sponsor and leaning on us. I look forward to hearing more about how your holidays went.
