The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just spent 90 mins this morning, trying to find help/information..anything. My son uses alcohol, but he's more of a substance abuser...so I still don't know if I found the right place. Last night was arrested for shoplifting and possession. He's 23. I thought he was doing OK lately! I'm sure you've all been there before, right? They tell you they're doing this and that and you're happy..but deep down inside in the pit of your stomach, you can't totally believe it..you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well, 5 am today, Xmas Eve morning this happens. He's never been arrested for STEALING before, which concerns me because that tells me all this has esculated.
If I had a lot of money, I'd get him admitted to our local rehab, but I don't. He has no job as of today, (he was seasonal worker) and no insurance. I'm a heart broken mess, and I don't know where to turn. =(
Welcome, Yes, you found the right place. Your next step would be to help yourself and find a Alanon meeting in your area. There, you will find the support needed and the tools that will best serve you and your son.
As difficult as it may be, Alanon suggests the best thing to do for your son is nothing. Addiction and abuse doesn't stop as long as there is someone willing to save the day, making everything O.K. In order to decide to stop, the person has to hit bottom and suffer the consequences of what they have done. Only then will any kind of rehab work. They have to want it themselves and not just give lip service to it.
Our first instinct as parents is to rush in and save them. By doing so we are doing more harm then we know. If there are no hard consequences the addiction/disease will continue to thrive. Your son is a adult at 23 yrs. old. Please allow him the dignity to figure this out for himself. There will be fines and he will face the charges in court, giving him time to consider if his current lifestyle and actions are worth this kind of trouble.
Allowing him to go through this and figure it out is the most loving thing you can do. Remember, "This too shall pass".
Take care of you.. Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Totally understand and am sorry for the postion you are in. My son just got sentenced to 6 months in jail after a 30 day stint in rehab. He is 21. My son also no job, money, insurace etc. He steals constantly Through Alanon I have gained the strenght to allow him to feel the consequenses of his behavior. Wher before I would have rescused him and enabled. That just made things worse and gave him the impression his actions were acceptable. So no Christmas for him and although it breaks our heart everyday we know he is an adult and makes his own choices. Please keep coming back! You are in the right place for healing. Lots of love and support in this room. God Bless
This is so sad. You're in the right place with us. I hope you can also find some local face-to-face meetings, for even more support. Look online on in your phone book.
When you son is ready, the Salvation Army has free rehab he can get into. But he's the one who has to make the decision, on his own timescale.
What you can do now is take care of yourself. Keep coming back.
You are absolutely in the right place. Please just keep coming back here and share and read. Find a face2face meeting in your area if you can, too. The support that I have found in Al-Anon has saved my life.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Welcome friend, you have found a place that will help you heal yourself thru these tough times...
His disease has escalated....he is stealing because he needs whatever he is doing...it is a sad truth but there are 3 roads jail, institutions and the final death....I also like to think there is one more step sobriety.....
Check with you local drug and alcohol programs they may be able to help finance him into a program.
My heart hurts for you I have been there with my husband.....
My God Bless you and help you thru this time of trouble...and please try and relax and let go and let God.
Welcome al anon can certanly help you. I spent an entire lifetime around active alcoholics and addcits. My heart was often broken into smithereens. Can I recommend most highly the book Getting them Sober by Toby Rice Drew (there is also a website). This site has helped me tremendously. I like it a great deal. At one time I spent several hours a day here. This can be a lifeline for you, there is a chat room and meetings twice a day (East Coast time).
I hope you will join us. There is relief, there are many many people here who can empathize with you. The tools of the program are very very helpful. I hope you will get help for yourself and in turn I believe that will help your son make better choices.
