The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I havn't done this one in at least a year. Last night my mind was not off my daughter and her son. I need to hear from some Meth using in recovery. I know it happens, but right now I do not know anything. Does anyone hold any recovery out their, over Meth using? Yes, all addictions are addictions, yet each has its own killing degrees.
Last night, I was going through the worst and the best in my head. Its funny how I worry and think that will fix it ha. Grant form of thinking I am controling, but not true. It comes down so many times in the past 32 years of her using of one of us is always doing something wrong. After hearing the same words, for all these years you would think I would be immune to it all. But I am not, this is a person I love and care about. I know it is not a love issue, I know she loves me, but just when I think its stopped the using comes back.
I have committed to sleeping tonight, reading my al non steps and working them. I am much better then I was 32 years ago, when I thought I would die every time she went out. Now I know I will live, but she may not. Thank God for a Higher Power. I continue to say in my head, I am powerless over her drug addiction.
Your post touched my heart. My daughter just turned 21 and is a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. She recently had a relapse around her 21st birthday a week ago. Her drug of choice was Pot but she did everything but Heroine, no needles. My heart is breaking for you! I almost had a grandchild but was powerless over that outcome too. She now has a kitten by a doctor's prescription to help her depression. That kitten is at our house alot. I wonder what it would be like if it were her baby. I have let the past go to the best of my capability. It still creeps up in my memories and feelings but I do not bring it up in any conversation with my daughter. I too was sleepless last night. I finally had to take a sleeping pill. Before that I tried the gratitude ABC's. What I did was go through the alphabet in my mind and for each letter pick only one word that desribed a gratitude. I ended up doing it 3 times and then tried other things. Well, sometimes the gratitude list works. But, I do understand how hard this is on our entire being. My daughter is a part of me. She is a part of my heart and my soul. How can we detatch with love and still be healthy? Well it is a process. All we can do is just keep trying different things and getting support from alanon and our HP/God. Giving her to her HP/God and saying prayers and asking others for prayers seems to be my most important help right now for today.
While doing the gratitude ABC's in my mind last night, I decided I am going to write it down on paper and give it to her :) I need to look up more words in the dictionary too today for more ideas. I will use only positive words that describe who she is to me and words that will help her to see the good things about her. The letter C will definately be for Courage. How can it not be with how they struggle with their disease every moment of their days. Whether clean or not, how can anything loving or positive said to them not help them? That is where I am coming from in my thinking. I will write a gratitude list for me too and for my son. For me this is what I am going to do today to show love. The love part of detatching. For, I believe in detatching with Love. I am trying to work the program the best I can and stay with the program for the rest of my life. My daughter will always have alcoholism/drug addiction. I wll always have my own recovery in alanon. I have chosen alanon but she did not choose to be an alcoholic/drug addict. I sure hope any of this helps. I will say prayers for you too. I laid in bed and said prayers for all the people here at this site and the ones that I have on my prayers list. I pray for their HP/God to do his/her will in their life or for the specifics that they ask for. This also helps me to have a sense of serenity and takes my mind off of my own situation with my daughter. Your friend in recovery, cdb :)
It must be the weather in Arizona! I was also sleepless in Arizona a few nights ago. I was determined to sleep last night and it went pretty well. We just worry about our children and important people. I think about my husband who moved out all the time. I do know that I can't care about him more than I value my own life. Our son is having all kinds of financial problems and we are very concerned about him - that maybe it is an indication of something else. But in the end it his life.
I have all my wonderful books, alanon literature, and journals to keep me company at night. No wonder that I can't sleep because I can barely get into bed there are so many. Lots of support your way.
