The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been reading a few post there was a comment about treating others better than yourself. This really hit home I'm guilty, I don't drink or drug I just don't have any desire. My wife on the otherhand who has been clean and sober for almost five years lives everyday to stay that way. When she first came home from re-hab the whole dynamics of our marrige change mostly for the better. I thought for the longest time that as long as I provided a good enviroment things will work out. I love my wife with all my heart I have never been unfaithfull. Last week she told me she has no sex drive at all she only gives in to get me away from her, she would be happy if she never had sex again. This was followed up with the I love you, your my best friend, and right now I can't stand being around you talk. After thinking about this for a couple days I realized she has felt this way for the last five years. Has anybody else had this happen to them?
Bingo!! Now what? It wasn't my wife...it was me because I learned that sex was one of the identifiers of my personality then. If I got it I felt good about me and all around me just as if I had a very good potent drink. Superficial spirituality is what I came to understand about it and even when the practice of sex changed in context from the nerve ending expectation to the practice of mutual exercising of love it continued to loose its priority in life for me and now seemingly for my wife. That was the complete opposite of how we started of course and now looking at it thru the filter of this program and it's steps, slogans and focus. We find that what we are is "right" with life and what is important in it. We kinda find ourselves on a floor higher than the wanting to's and the having to's to the "not needing" to's. I love my wife more today than I ever have and sexual desires will be handled in a "we" manner rather than an "I" one. God do things change as I work this program.
Thank you for your responce, it gives me some insight and alot to think about. My wife and I have been together for fourteen years and I still have the same passion for her as the day we met. In her earlier days sex was as you put it one of her personality identifiers,maybe that is what I/we need to get past.
Keep and open mind NC and patient. You opened with part of the subject on my morning meeting and I could just see the minds in the room flip into investigation. Treating others better than oneself for me doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to be treated that way also but I learned about one of the little angles of love that had me looking at women in a much different and powerful way. I found out what respect was for me and tolerance and compassion and justice. I found this and more from inside the journey I call Al-Anon recovery. In relation to sex I also found out alot about myself and self management which is currently the higher education program journey for me now. I was told this was a simple program for complicated people and I identified with that statement personally. I also understood the very first promise that came true for me also...."If I keep and open mind I will find help." The program and the fellowship helps me as it has done for years. I in return give back freely when the opportunity arises which includes with my spouse and how we live our lives today. Keep coming back.
