The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone im new to this forum have read it a few times thought id post
i left my husband finally after 8 years of crap
finding it very very difficult not to think about him wonder if hes drinking etc god only knows why but im angry i guess that ive left and hes still drinking what does it take him to stop
he by the way is a very abusive drinker we have a 2 yr old son and i have 2 teenage children to a previous marriage
just want to move on and forget him but finding that hard ??
he has our son today but was out drinking last night (well prob all day knowing him) and im not keen on him having our son with a raging hangover
i think im also angry as he doesnt even seem to care that we've left !?? think he likes the single life getting drunk when he wants without all the nagging?? who knows who chooses that life over a life with a wife and a family??
even though im having doubts i know ive dont the right thing ...
There is no understanding an addict. Accept that this is what he is doing. Try to focus on yourself, not him. When we focus on them, we lose ourselves and feed this disease. They use the bottle/drugs - we obsess on other people. So if u want to help him and you - focus on YOU. YOU are the only person you can change or control.
Get to meetings, read the literature, talk to others & learn about the disease. This will help u combat it. Learn to focus on you and begin making changes that will allow you to be happy and fulfilled again. Set boundareis and stop compromisng yourself.
Im glad u found alanon & MIP. Alanon will help u get ur life back, if ur willing to give it a try. It has saved my life and allowed me to become whole & healthy. Good for you for reaching out, kudos. First things first, focus on YOU, welcome.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
You are no longer alone. Along with all the other helpful ideas you have been given I would like to add that the chat room here is open 24/7. LOg on anytime and chat. I also find just coming here and reading past post helos a great deal.
I left an alcoholic drug addict more than three years ago. The journey is a long one. I uncover new layers each week on things that hooked me in. One was to obsess about him and his drinking. Another was to resent him but still have secret hopes he would make it up to me.
Detaching is a hard hard task. I know it takes lots of practice. There are lots of tools to work on that in al anon. One is to get very busy. I did not have children with the alcoholic but we had many many things to clear up. I took a long time to stop all contact. Some people do not have that luxury. I work every day on not knowing what he is doing, how he is, whether he is ill, whether he is homeless. Knowing sets me off into a codependent spiral so for me its better not to know. I had to practice that hard.
There are many many things that hook us back in.
I am so glad you are here. I'd highly recommend any of the Al anon literature. I am sure if you have been here any length of time you'll know , the book Getting them Sober is a wonderful resource. Toby Rice Drew also has a web site which is really worth visiting.
Welcome. I have found such solace and care and comfort in Al anon.
i took him to his dads then had horrible texts all day from him then had to involve police to get my son back hes deluded, self obsessed, paranoid, likes playing the victim thankfully the police are getting to know him he seems to be losing his mind....
then he text me asking to have his son tomorrow??? erm i dont think so police have told us both lawyers need to be involved ...
Sorry for your troubles. You have come to a good place as long as you want to improve your situation. Suggestion: up above on this board have a look at the "Sticky" that says FAQ , which means frequently asked questions. You will find out how this program works here at MIP. Welcome. wp
