(((Debilyn)))  I hear you.  Loud and clear. 

Rora

Way to put u first and stop compromisng who you are, good work!

Wow you sound so peacefull in spite of everything you are going thru.

(((debilyn)))

I am crying for you. I am crying for me. I so much understand your post. I understand finally feeling "nothing", and the freedom that comes with that. I understand the "icky", and the need to be done. I understand holding onto hope until there is nothing left to hold onto, and how peace can come when you are ready. I am so happy you have arrived. As sad as it is, the worst is over. You never have to go there again.

Thank you for sharing you.

Blessings,
Lou

Temple, you reminded me of something a very old al anon member said to me once.

"drop the rock." lol You are so right. I honestly feel very good. Nothing has really changed. Just grew into the end.

Everyone knows how painful it is to think of cutting off that one you love. But like my Mother told me, "when you are done, you are done."

LOL I hugged my Happy, Poo shi and Fezzic, Pom of course they are squished next to me in my recliner!  (o:

Thanks lady,debilyn

Lou! Wow you made me cry too! lol. It is sooo nice to know you relate. Maybe it will give others hope that even though they feel that love, someday things will be ok no matter what.... hugs, deb

Bg yes it is great to be good to our self. Limbo is the worst until we learn to let go and realize if we are confused we are confused! That it is ok no to have an answer or to move on sometimes.

thank you bg, love, deb


Priss thank you, serenity is a blessing I tell ya! Have had it years now. Through all the pain when you have a foundation of serenity, you truly know things will be ok.

love,debilyn

Hot rod, clarity is a great word. You are right uno? That is what I had to have before I could move on. Many did not understand. I just cannot make myself feel one way or another, life and its experience brings me to what is coming. I am one who has to be ready.

Thank you, love,debilyn

Kitty,yes, when I realized how icky  he was, and how he has no respect for anyone, no way was I going to compromise with him. no way.

I have been too blessed by the creator I believe in, to call someone a friend or whatever who disrespects hp.

Love,deb

Overcome I cannot tell you how good I felt when I read that! LOL I am not kidding. I don't remember reading it before! What a dipstick.

That word "peace" makes ya feel it when ya say it! Thank you for validating me.

love,deb

Rora lol ya I have a loud voice! I hope it is a help to others. I could never say it until I was sure. love,deb

Mary, I was not planning to have him here, but was playing with it in my head. BUT only if he was in there, in his body. But he is not. I am so SURE. I have said it over and over, but he has been using. He is clean now six months. The reality of his insanity is so very clear. very.

Addiction killed the beautiful person he  used to be. NO more making his guitar sing, and he was an excellent guitarist. I loved it when he played the slide one? The one they play in front of them?

He sang so cool. Was always helping people. Could build a house from the ground up. He loved me like no one else ever has.

Now he is a shell of Hep C, cancer, bad liver, wet brain, yuck. so so sad. He was such a beautiful man. I cannot even feel or get in touch with the feelings we shared anymore. thank goodness! Glad you are still here sharing Mary. love,deb

(((Debilyn)))

It really tugged at my heart when you said he cared more about his truck than his son.

My youngest daughter's dad has been in AA over 30 years now, and hasn't drank either.

We were never married.

His participation in her life has been minimal to non-existent. He lives only 36 miles away, and has been retired for many years now.

She is my daughter, just as your son is yours.

They both know who the present and accountable parent has been.

TH. Makes my hair stand on end the way he has been to my son. I do know how you feel.

I was hoping when he was in recovery he would contact him. But he didn't. Of course I saw my son so AH did.

He just is not a good person. I don't know if he ever was. He tried to be, worked hard to be, but maybe just could not carry it off.

hugs,debilyn

Rosielee it took me around 7 years or so to get here. When you have loved someone all  your life, been thru so so many life situations, births, deaths and more, for me it took a long time.

I am glad I got over the hate and bitterness early. That kind of pain can eat a person up.

They can get any thing they want in prison but he is too chicken to try. But he will be on parole, and if he gets caught he knows he will go back. I believe he will get into pills instead.

If she drinks and he gets caught with her drunk, back in he goes.

Not my problem.

I just don't see how he can do it. He is so brain damaged and like all of them, thinks he  is smarter than anyone.

Yes my friend it feels so peaceful and clean.

I gotta drag out the papers and finish them.
Praying they will waive part or all of the filing fee as I cannot in any way afford it.

Doing my best here! hugs,debilyn

Andrea, I would usually think that too! But honestly my friend I am ready. I am so done, finished, baked to perfection. lol

Feel nothing. not bitter or sad or anything. I have gone thru all those emotions and worked thru them.

Learned so much, let it all go, did my footwork.

It's so hard to imagine I know, but he is a monster. The disease destroyed everything good about him. I have not seen,truly seen with out denial,him for years.

Have grieved to the point of callous.Am strong.

My son asked me why I couldn't see he was a loser? He said he always knew what a jerk he was. Son did not want me to marry him. I did not know that.

Son says he wants nothing to do with him, and has no respect for him after all he has seen him do to me.

I relate to him now. I honestly Andrea did not know what to say.
Love is blind? It was all denial.

My own Mother tried to tell me from the beginning! I don't know what made me have to be with him. There was never a question for me. I never doubted my feelings for him. They were so strong.

Through war, deaths, births, injuries, more deaths, brain surgery, cancer....

I mean it, I am free and feel PEACE. Sleeping better, up and feel good.

No bad dreams.

When he does die, it just does not matter to me. to me it would be a relief for him. He is so miserable, so depressed, so evil, bitter, angry, phoney, manipulative, etc.

thank you for making me think more. Makes me even more sure. if I can be!

Keeping you and yours in my prayers lady, I hope your times get better. We grow when it hurts. You will only get stronger I promise.

love,debilyn