The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, within the last 6 months I have seriously addressed my ABF's drinking problem. Of course it's an ongoing issue as I'm sure you can all relate. He has always denied. Always had an excuse and justification for EVERYTHING. I know that this is part of the disease. Well, we got into a fight on Sunday and I was noticing a new thing...blame. He was trying to blame me for his drinking. His "slip ups". He said that because I don't let him drink as often as he would like that when he gets to, he drinks more. Like he has to make up for it or something. And then today he said that I wasn't there for him when he was "sober" so he started drinking again. Total crap. It's crazy! Of course he doesn't think he's an alcoholic at all. No way no how. He doesn't understand what the problem is. sheesh! I am looking forward to going to my first f2f al-anon meeting this week. It's necessary.
Yay hopeful...your first meeting. I barely found my first one but got there with help from a still unmet angel and never looked back. I pray the same for you. We in the program make suggestions only from what worked for us so we don't suggest something we have never tried. I suggest you give the program a 90 shot to see if it has something worthwhile for you and keep coming back here.
I was looking for an old unused application for the Comedy Shop to email to your boyfriend with a suggestion of what to do with his blame but then sarcasm doesn't help sobiety that well and my sponsor would find out somehow and then I'd be back in the 1 - 4 step remedial class.
Remember the egg story (joke), that is eerily true of many active A's...
T
One morning, the nice wife wakes up early to make her alcoholic hubby breakfast, and makes him two eggs, sunny side up. He comes to the table, looks at the food, and gets mad, starts ranting about how upset he is, and tells her that he wanted scrambled....
The next day, the good wife wakes up early again, makes her hubby breakfast, and this time makes him two scrambled eggs. She sits back, proud of her decision, only to see hubby sit down at the table, get angry again, and declare that on this day, he wanted his eggs sunny side up!
On day three, she comes up with a great idea, one that she is SURE will please him. She dutifully goes downstairs and makes him breakfast once again, this time ingeniously making him one scrambled and one sunny side up..... She cannot fathom anything except an impending positive result from her efforts. Her hubby comes down to eat, and once again is ranting and angry. She asks, incredulously ' "how can you be angry now.... I made one of each for you!", - to which, the husband replies "you scrambled the wrong egg!".
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
This part of the disease. In his mind he does blame everyone else for what he is doing, that way he doesnt have to take responsibility for his own actions. Dont buy into it. Go tomtgs, pick up pamphlets to read, talk to others and share if ur able. Learning about the disease will help you. Learn how to stop enabling and focus on YOU.
Welcome to alanon & MIP.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
