The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok so today I am thinking about fear...I am thinking part of my hang up with let go and let god is fear. fear fear fear...as I reread posts others have written it is extrememly important to overcome our fears to allow growth to flow.
I thought about this, this morning. A glance at the past shows me that I have let my fears bully me around. My fears insinuate that I have no value and that others don't like me. When this takes over I can not speak to people, I clam up and can't think anything to say. The more I tell my brain say something charming, whitty, who knows, The less I can think to say. Wow this has gone on for a long time.
The resolution to this ( or at least my first attempt at trying to resolve) will be to chase away those thoughts with healthier thinking and throw in a bit of gratitude along with that. Remember that my life has not consisted of all failure, and that there are a string of accomplishments that get hidden behind that fear. Just as I throw away the garbage, I will try to cast out the thoughts that are trashy. Try to not let them rent space in my head.
I know this will not be accomplished today and that it will be trial and error on want will work, but ya know I have the desire to try and that is huge. I will throw my arm around a new companion "hope". Hope has offered to help me stumble toward change.
These are a few of things I have decided to try out. What did you try? Your answers yesterday did help and I appreciate all who responded.
"Faith" is the missing piece to your puzzle. I can not have fear if I have "faith", and I can not have "faith" if I have fear. Letting go and letting God is one thing, but when I give it to him I must have "faith" that it will be taken care of, in his time and in his way. For me, hope is hoping. "Faith" to me is much different it is believing, accepting, and knowing.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Tuesday 15th of December 2009 02:15:45 PM
I agree Fear was huge for me when I began to work the steps in this program. I really did not know all my character defects and how they played out in my life.
I never said I was afraid even to myself I was not humble enough to even see it. I changed my fear into anger with others and then started ro manipulate them into doing what I needed to be safe.
Using the simple tools of alanon each day like: Living One Day at a Time. Making Gratitude Lists, not projecting negative happenings into the future, stopping judgement and criticism of others, speaking at meetings and to sponser helped to lift my numerous social fears. Interacting with other became easy. I was becoming Humble and my arrogant self was disappearing.
To interrupt my negative thoughts at times when I was called on at meetings or in social situations I used slogans over and over in my head. Let Go let God or the serenity prayer did work to let me respond and not react.
I also realized that not only was the alcoholic self will run riot- I too had the same character traits. I wanted my way in all things I was impatient and would manipulate to get what I wanted. Under all those defects were FEAR that I would not get my needs satisfied would be alone and unable to function.
I did not want to turn my life over to HP because I was filled with fear that I would not get what I needed / wanted.
The 11th Step helped because here I prayed for knowledge of HPs will and the power to carry it out. So I finally understood that HP would never give me anything without giving me the power to handle it. My Fear started to lift.
Today I know that Fear has an important part in my life and when I feel it is is important for me to acknowledge it, see the cause and decide what my actions should be. Denial of fear is not an option Progress not perfection is my motto these days.
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 15th of December 2009 03:15:58 PM
