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I think it has probably been about three years since I last posted. The roller coaster ride I have been on just seems unbelievable to me. I work in adult psychiatric health & work with my share of addictions. I never experienced addictions in my personal life before meeting my now husband. And I have no idea why, working in the field that I do, did I think my sitution with my partner would be different than those I viewed through work. Actually, I don't think I would have gotten involved with him if I had met him while he was drinking but I met him during a sober period. Now, here I am seven years later, married for one year to this man and we have a three yr old son together. My AH has had 4 DUIs and a PI, he currently does not have a DL (he lost them for life after another DUI on a suspended for life license - He says that he will get them back in another 2yrs), he has went thru court ordered IOP, been to AA meetings (court ordered), private therapy sessions, 12 steps for SA, made promises, made promises and made promises. . . Very typical addictive thinking behavior - lying (even when there isn't a reason to lie), withdraws emotionally, zones out with the TV in the evenings etc . . . The main reason I decided to stay with him despite his continued addictive thinking (& drinking when he promised he stopped) is our son. My AH has never been one to drink everyday. He doesn't drink more than he drinks but when you have 4 DUIs, and no license, & are on probabtion and you still want to drink then you have a drinking problem. He doesn't admit that his drinking is truly a problem because he does it away from home & around a campfire. Right now I pretty much have all the control of how our son is being raised. My thoughts are, if I don't feel I can trust him while he is in the home and at least making some effort . . . well, I just don't want to send my son to be with him every weekend if he were left to his own. I worry then what friends he would have around & he would probably think it was ok to drink once son went to bed . . . so. My question to all of you is based on your experiences how likely is it that my AH will experience another DUI if he is drinking again. Any advice or thoughts at all from those who have lived through similar experience. Thanks so much!
The past is an excellent predictor of the future. It is difficult to see your situation when you are emotionally tied to someone and your emotions get brought into it and much easier to see as an outside observer. I would say that detaching and taking a look at the situation once emotions have died down is the best way to find clarity. I have had a lot of transormation in my life over the past few weeks and a lot of things have been revealed to me. It's a matter of slowing down and taking a big step back to see the picture from outside yourself. What would you tell the wife of one of your addicted clients?
Who knows what's gonna happen in the future? Take it One Day at a Time. If someone told you here, Yes he's gonna get another DUI for Sure, would that change anything? Would that give you any peace of mind really? All I can say is that if he keeps driving while intoxicated, most likely he''s have to face serious consequuences. And when that happens He's gonna have to deal with them, not you. Take care of yourself. And please please please don't drive with him when he's drunk.
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
SUZY: I AM GLAD YOU ARE BACK POSTING AFTER 3 YEARS. I MUST'VE STARTED AFTER YOU STOPPED. ANYWAY, I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF ESH FOR YOU BUT I DO KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T PREDICT THE FUTURE BUT YOU CAN HOPE FOR THE BEST & PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! THAT'S IT! IN ALANON LOVE & SUPPORT, KATHLEEN AKA HOOT
Aloha SuzyDawn; All of my predictions have ifs, ands, buts in them not very good huh? I can be wrong and have been my share of the time soooo I don't give advise and I don't predict anymore. If you keep doing the same thing over and over again you'll keep getting the same results. When we use to read the definition of alcoholism in early program it use to include that the alcoholic had three choices Sobriety, Insanity or death. Part of the insanity for me was watching my alcoholic drink and drink more even after it was coming closer to claiming her life. She did get sober for a while back and then I surrendered it all and started rebuilding my own life. This program works "if" you work it.
Thank you everyone for replying to my question and sharing what you know. I have not actually been involved with Al-Anon meetings before can someone tell me if the meetings are of value even if you don't claim a higher power? I want to ask this questions from those of you actually attending meetings not from one of my therapist co-workers. Thanks!
(((Dawn))) The simple answer to your question is yes. We have a member of my group that had the same concern as you when she came to her first meeting. There are no requirements for membership, only that you are affected by someone elses drinking. The lady I referred to after attending meetings for over a year now calls the group itself her higher power. A higher power is a power greater than yourself. By attending Al-Anon meetings you are surrounded by people who care about you and can relate to what you are going through. They understand as perhaps no one else can. Your friends and co-workers care a lot about you, and in most cases will tell you exactly what you should do.They think they have your best interest in mind, and usually express what they would do under the same circumstances, but most of them have never lived with the disease or walked in your shoes. In Al-Anon no one will tell you what you should do or give you advice, only give you their experience, strength, and hope, how they have dealt with simular situations in their lives. No one but you knows what you are going through, and you are the only one who can decide what is best for you.
Please consider going to at least 6 Al-Anon meetings, if you don't think the program is right for you, we will gladly refund your "Misery". LOL
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Wednesday 16th of December 2009 06:22:29 PM