The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This weekend my alcoholic boyfriend left me yet again. We have been together 2 years, most of the time he has been sober, but this is the third and probably last time. This time he left to live with his parents. He went on a binge 2 months ago and left me to live with another woman who was actively drinking. I took him back 3 weeks ago with his committment to be sober and attend AA daily. He has done that, but decided he needed to simplify his life and not be in a relationship right now just to work on his sobriety and schooling (he is going back to school after being laid off). This rollercoaster ride has left me unable to sleep or eat. I am a single mom and it has left my daughter's head spinning as well. I went through a huge committment decision to be with him no matter what - sober or drinking and then he leaves me yet again. He said he needed himself to be whole before he could be with me. Its so hard because I love him so much and yet I have been a single parent now for 6 years and really want to share my life with someone - to have a family. Plus he does this 10 days before XMAS. He doesn't want me to spend the holidays with his family either. He also has a 13 year old daughter that he has dragged through this. We have blended our families and worked hard to do so. Why do alcoholics do this - drinking or not? I have done nothing but support him through his recovery and have given him his space. He says he loves me - we spent 2 days crying before he left. Now he says he needs time alone.
Yep... been there, done that, bought the t-shirt..... I can't begin to know what he is thinking - heck, I'd be willing to wager that he may not either - but it's easier for us, outside of the emotions, to look at the "whats" of the situation....
When someone pushes us away, and say they need their space...... We likely need to back away, and give them their space.... They may come back, they may not.... they may choose recovery, or they may not..... No matter - we really can't control what they do or don't do...
All we can really do is practice our own program of recovery, take things one day at a time, don't project too far into the future, etc., etc.... If you are able, try looking at the positives of this happening at this time of year - you can have a Christmas season of no alcoholic chaos - what a wonderful treat!!
Take care of you
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
This rollercoaster ride has left me unable to sleep or eat. I am a single mom and it has left my daughter's head spinning as well. I went through a huge committment decision to be with him no matter what - sober or drinking and then he leaves me yet again. He said he needed himself to be whole before he could be with me. Its so hard because I love him so much and yet I have been a single parent now for 6 years and really want to share my life with someone - to have a family.
Jill
Dear Jill
I would work this program, and drop everything except my children and close and trusted family/friends and get a sponsor and work these 12 steps---You deserve so much more than this "boyfriend" who is giving you what??? Misery!! I dated a guy way back who was similiar and dropped him----I figured if this is the "dating stage" why on earth would I want to be stuck with him in marriage and possibly having more children and doing harm to these innocent children----My daughter is grown up now, and rule #1----NO BOYFRIENDS meeting her unless they passed probation and were worthy of her introduction---It is so confusing to a child to see "mom" dating losers---What kind of example would I be setting for her???
What would you tell your daughter if she were asking you about this?? What would you advise her---
My prayer is that you can come to love yourself enough to know that there is so much better and healthier people out there----I had to learn to love me before I could radiate that out to healthy other people---I am much more picky now---Thank goodness for the alanon program because now I take care of myself and I do not attract people like this because I bring to me what I think of me
Hoping you can find yourself and your inner true love--Your daughter needs her mom in good shape, mentally and emotionally--She will follow her parent's example(s)--That is why I brought noone home to meet my girl unless I was absolutely sure that they were a blessing to her
Take good care of you
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
