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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Update on "need objective feedback"
Post Info TOPIC: Update on "need objective feedback"
lolli09


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Update on "need objective feedback"
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Update on Need objective feedback, I ultimately called and left message that I agreed and he should take care of himself, take all the time he needed then his last message said he was soooo stressed over work and thought he might even be in a depression and he would contact me after the "Holidays". Then I called and left message ... just take care of you and don't worry about anything. Since then that was right before Thanksgiving, he has been spotted out and about going to his meetings (a good thing), having breakfast with his daughter in a restaurant and generally in a good mood BUT he has approached a girl I sponsor after the meeting and said to tell me He doesn't want to end this and he'll be in touch and she responded "You need to talk to her yourself, why are you telling me this? Just go and talk to her". Then he called my Alanon sponsor and asked her to tell me "Its not the end and he'll get in touch with me after all the nonsense of the holidays are over". She said "Tell her yourself... I still have not heard from him and he ran into my daughter at a store in town and went out of his way to avoid her. This is really crazy making stuff and I have talked it over, prayed about it and have finally accepted that it is the way its supposed to be But I don't deserved to be ditched or ignored during the "Holidays" without talking it through and he won't talk to me about it directly. So Im giving him to God and closing the door. He may not want it to end but its becoming painful to hang on to "after the holidays promise" and I deserve better. Never have my needs or wants been taken into consideration from him. Letting Go is Hard, but Ive been through worse and God's always been there for me. Hope you all have a lovely holiday and God Bless you and thank you.

* Lolli, I hope you don't mind but I edited the format of this post - it was all jumbled up in HTML tables.  You had referenced an earlier post of yours which can be found by clicking here:

http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?aBID=42727&p=3&topicID=32144635

tlcate


-- Edited by tlcate on Tuesday 8th of December 2009 09:16:25 PM

-- Edited by tlcate on Tuesday 8th of December 2009 09:17:08 PM

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jasobel


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I just went through this with my boyfriend who left for 3 weeks becaue he was so stressed and "having a breakdown". I did not know where he was or what was happening. Turns out he went off his sobriety and was on a huge drinking binge living with someone else who was also drinking and off her program. He had to hit bottom before he called me to help and now he is back home, back in AA but I have no idea from day to day what is going to happen. So I just continue to work on my own program and give him over to God. It has to be the hardest thing to do in the program - give it up to your higher power. It takes me constant prayer and reading, attending meetings, online and at centers to do this - ESPECIALLY AT THE HOLIDAYS.  While he was gone he also refused to see me or talk to me - it was total crazy making. I guess I don't have advice to offer, I just wanted to tell you I understand just recently having been through this how hard it is.

My thoughts are with you

Jill 

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lolli09


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Jill, thank you so much for your sharing with me.  The thought passed my mind but when I mentioned it to those I trust, they both blew it off, not HIM they said.  I don't know anything about the why of this, Im just walking thru it with the help of my HP and this program.  Why does he keep talking to girls I sponsor and tell them to give me his Messages???? no clue.  But when I am supposed to know, I guess I will.  Prayers for all affected by this disease.

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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13696
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Aloha Lolli...and Jasobel.  I learned to expect the crazies and after that they didn't
affect me so much and I wasn't surprised how this were going.  That gave me relief
to continue focusing straight ahead and on my programs.  "What is my part in the
insanity?" is always a good inventory for me.  Sometimes my part is having my
attention drawn away from recovery to get a peek at what she was doing and who
with and why and why not and where and how ever and quit already!!  was best for
me.  One of the greatest tools in my recovery journey was and is the "JUST FOR TODAY"
pamphlet.  If you don't already have one...get one at your next meeting.  It is marvelous
and starts off, "Just for today I will try to live through this day only and not tackle all
my problems at once. ....there's more and it is good practice.   In support (((((hugs)))))smile

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lolli09


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Aloha Jerry, read that pamphlet every morning and it does work when I work it.  Good point about "my part in the insanity".  I will look at that one closer.  I know I didn't communicate my needs and I danced the dance of not talking about my feelings to him and kept the emotional distance on-going although I secretly thought he would change if I was just understanding enough, thought he would surprize me with wanting to be closer, share families, lives and it would be more fulfilling, I accepted the crumbs and settled for the emotionally unavailable to have fun times and companionship on a surface level.  I cheated myself.  You have a good day and enjoy the beautiful land of Hawaii.  I was there for their convention in Waikiki about a decade ago.  It was awesome.  Went with a group from New Jersey.  One of the best times ever!

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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13696
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You express so well what I went thru also and the use of one of the tools of recovery.
Once I got (took a long time) to that place of serenity there was no one who I would
allow to take me back out again.  How I got to the insanity in the first place was by
allowing another person who had addictions to determine how I got to sanity.  How cool
to learn to take on that determination with choices for myself.

I wish you Hawaii days also.  Yesterdays weather and atmosphere was well.... awesome!

(((((hugs))))) smile

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lolli09


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Posts: 12
Date:
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Hi Jerry, its freezing here - tomorrow high of 26 they say... enjoy that beautiful sun and warmth.  Headed to meeting tonite with sponsee who is not in good place.  Thanks for the post. He passed me today when I was coming home and I saw who I think was his daughter(?) in passenger seat.  Ive been visiting the who with, why, whats he up to stinking thinking.  Good thing Im headed out tonite and bearing the blustery winds and freezing cold to be with another, it will keep me in the now.  Your posts help me.  Have a great day!

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Update on "need objective feedback"