The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new to this (just signed up) and need some advice. I've been to some al-anon meetings over the past few years but things are heightening.
My mother is an alcoholic - has admited it in the past, but never engaged with recovery. Last weekend we went out for a meal, with 4 of us there, she was the only one to drink ...until she was incoherant. Acted completely inappropriatly with the staff and others in the restaurant. I'm sure they just saw her as a vivascious and enthusiastic woman though. I was embarressed and felt harrassed - not the first time.
Anyway, I want to write her an email to put some boundries in place. But I'm not sure where to start. Any suggestions? I basically want to say that I love her but can't be around her when she drinks. Although I know I have no control over her, I just really wish things could be happy and for our relationship to be healthy.
Email or private face to face conversation would be appropriate. In the morning when she is dealing with the remnants of the previous evening may be more impressive to her.
If you can get to some Alanon meetings you will find a lot of help. It is also important not to blame yourself. In Alanon we say that we didn't cause it, we can't control it and we can't cure it.
Aloha JD...I also have done what tlcate suggested because it was about self care and self appropriateness and love. It is important because I am taking care of what I am responsible for my feelings, my thoughts and my actions. In alcoholism if no one is in the recovery from it all are in the disease whether that is two people or twenty. Back to the program is another agreement. Go where the healing is no matter how you resist it and if you resist it you'll understand why your mother does also. You will always be powerless over her drinking and the disease and it will always kill any management you have over your thinking, feeling and behaviors. Go find an HP greater than booze, your mother and yourself and plead for sanity. In support ((((hugs))))
