Newbie-end of my rope... - Al-Anon Family Group

Misshopeful · Newbie

Newbie-end of my rope...

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Misshopeful

Welcome, You have found a good place here full of love and support.
I understand what you are saying about Hope
Through working this program I learned that I often let my Hopes becomes expectaions.
When I did that I was usually hurt and let down.
For me My son is a addict.
I hope always that he finds his way into recovery but I have learned not to expect it.
That saves me alot of hurt, anger and resentment.
Seems that when things are going good all those hopes we had then turn into the expectaion that things will always be good. That our loved on will continue with sobriety and when that doesnt happen again I will say we become angry and resentful.
As for someone telling you that he will never stop.... I learned not to listen to those who haven't walked in my shoes.
There are lots of miracles out there waiting to be claimed and your A can claim his whenever he is ready.
The emphasis is on When he is ready.
We didn't cause it
We can't control it
We can't cure it
Only the A has the power to accept recovery.
Now is the time to work on your recovery and find what it is you can do for you.
Again welcome

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I wonder if the part that refuses to give up hope is that part of you that is determined to have a life of peace and happiness. The good news is that you can have that even if he never stops drinking. I didn't see how that was possible when I first heard it, but it's getting clearer to me. And many people on these boards are evidence of the same miracle in progress. For my part, I think it's not worth waiting until he stops drinking to start living a better life. Don't let it hinge on him. I hope you can find some Al-Anon meetings and go to a number of them. (Sometimes the meetings are quite different so keep going till you find the ones that fit you.) It sounds as if your hope right now is keeping you stuck. But there is a way to move yourself on, whether you're with him or not, whether he's drinking or not. That's real freedom and hope. It's about detaching with love, taking care of our own feelings, and making the best life for ourselves. Please don't give up on that hope.

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

There is always hope and always miracles. I am coming to realize that they mean hope for us and a miracle for us; not necessarily them. They have their own higher powers. Hang in there.

In support,
Nancy

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome , there is always hope , never give up hope . But u cannot do this for him , but there is alot u can do for yourself , we are enablers and until we stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves nothing will change . it only takes one person to create change . and since u are the one looking for help by comming here that is going to have to be you. Please find Al-Anon meetings in your area attend as many in a week as u can , learn all u can about this disease and how to not allow it to run your life. learn to detach with love and allow him to go where he needs to go while u get your life back . Threats dont work , asking him to leave dosent won't work , tears don't work , ultimatums don't work . Until he says enough nothing will change for him .
Get help for yourself and let go of the obsession . Louise

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome. I think we all feel as you do. always.

The sad thing about this disease is they are never cured. Just like diabetics have low blood sugar attacks from nowhere, the recovering A relapses. Part of the disease.

So no they are never cured. Mine relpased and it was probably the most horrible thing that ever happened in my life.I just cannot do thru that again.

It hurt so much to have my daughter, birth I mean, that if I had not accidently got pg with my son, I would have NEVER had another child. So I KNOW I will not go thru it again.

Yes where you are is so painful and lonely. I didn't think my gut would ever stop hurting. Got so skinny. was awful.

It does get better we have to work on it though.

Hope you keep coming back and sharing. Your post was perfect. love,debilyn

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi

,

Without hope, we wouldn't get very far in life. We have to hope that things will get better., otherwisw we would just be bitter and depressed.

There is hope for you in Alanon. There is hope for your A, but he must have hope for himself... Your paths may not continue together, but hope is eternal. You can lead by example through Alanon.

Stand firm with your boundaries. As you attend meetings and work the program, you will find strength, friends, family, tools....and hope.

Christy

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I felt absolutely responsible for the ex A's wellbeing. I believe that was part of my low self esteem. I could only feel worthwhile when I cared for others.

The paradox is of course that nothing but nothing will stop the alcoholic until they decide to. No amount of love, hope, care will do it. That is why we adopt the three c's, we didn't cause it, we can't cure it and we can't control it.

I certainly know what it is to be around someone who is totally out of control. I've had more than my measure of that.

I hope you will give al anon a shot. Take the focus of the alcoholic and take care of yourself. When you are healthier the whole issue of whether the alcoholic drinks or does not is not something as catastrophic to your self esteem.

Maresie.

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Hopeful))),

I don't think that this a disease where there is a "cure". Having said that, it is a manageable disease. Therefore, never, never, never give up hope. Abbyal and Christy make very good points. I make it a point never to question them when they're right.

My Tim relapsed true, more than once. But then I saw many, many sober times and took full advantage of them. Ours was a great love story. Having a strong Alanon program in place helped me get through the best and worst of times. It has helped me grieve the loss of him. It has helped me celebrate life. It has helped me in work. In this program you will find great experience, hope, strength, love and humor (good for the ). Please keep coming back to us. Remember no matter what happens, the always comes up and gives us a new day and new found sense of hope. Welcome to the MIP family. Much love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--the cat

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.