The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I sent my ABF a text today saying ring me, I wanted the money he said he would drop off and never. Turned his phone off this weekend again we all know what this means. Yesterday I felt better thought I carnt change him, he is ill, I dont want this in my life. He rand me on my way home from work today I was not prepared was not expecting him to get in touch. He moaned about his weekend was very angrey saying everyone pressuring him, me family etc etc etc. I found my self calming him apologising for beating him up for hurting me while sick. He calmed I told him he is sick, i am sick we carnt be together he has to sort his life and me mine. He said he knows I am always there and that all his pain started to come up although sober he had not dealt with the pain. He kept saying its moved from my belly to my head.
I told him I did not want to be enemies but that this would not work right now. I told him I need to be a good parent. I am scared I hate to end things on a bad note but i just want my money and to have closure, although my heart is saying you love him I really do believe it is naddiction he has nothing to offer me its like he is my drink. He said keep your phone on you I will ring you later. THIS HAS REALLY SENT ME INTO A PANIC. I dont want to speak to him, I dont want the cycle to start again. How can I end it with out being mean without anger. I know we carnt be friends. He says he will sort the money tomorrow. I am so tired just want to grieve and move on any ESH will be appreciated. I carnt make my meeting tonight cause my daughter is ill.
I really am addicted to this person who is bad for me amking me ill, I am waiting for the phone call why? I tell him to stop drinking its killing him etc but why carnt I just get him out my life my head? hugs
-- Edited by Tracy on Monday 23rd of November 2009 04:17:32 PM
I re read your post several times and do think you have identified exactly what is truly going on in your relationship. What I heard was: You want to be a good parent You do not believe this relationship will work out He is in great pain You feel you may also be addicted to the relationship You want the relationship to end on a positive note
You can say what you mean and mean what you say without being mean.
The way I see it the one big thing he is holding over you is the money for the telephone.
I had to decide if the money was worth my serenity. Could I walk away and make up the money some other way and cut my ties with courtesy and resolve and let go of the money and things.
I can relate very much to trying to squeeze something out of someone who is very very ill. I can also relate to living on egg shells.
I found it tremendously difficult to live with, live without the ex A. I can tell you I did it one day at a time. One day I decided it was time to stop talking. I stopped waiting for the call, I stopped answering his calls and I stopped waiting for him to change. Now I am well over a year without talking to him. I did it one minute at a time, one day at a time. Of course I had many many feelings about him while I did that. I stopped relaying them to him. He had to want to change and he didn't. He carried on.
I changed. I stopped interacting. I stopped waiting. I stopped thinking I could make a difference I could not. I gave him back to God who had him in the first place. For whatever reason God has him alive to do whatever he needs to I did not and could not keep him alive any longer.
