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Hi - I'm new here... I've been reading some posts and just registered myself today. My husband and I have been married for 1 1/2 years but we've been together for 12 years and friends for about 20 yrs or so.... So here goes - I'm going to give a little description...
For years my husband has had some sort of an alcohol problem. He got his 1st DUI at 17 (not guilty), another when he was 19 (guilty) and yet another at 21 in which case he lost his license for 2 + years.... He did smarten up with the driving after that one. Growing up we both LOVED to party (a little too much at times) but I've since grown up a lot more - not saying that I don't still like to induldge in a few to many sometimes.... We use do do a lot of other things than just drinking such as, canoeing, hiking or just going for a walk in the woods......
If my husband sticks to a few beers he is fine, funny and not mean and if this could only take place on the weekends I would be more than happy but it doesn't..... He use to not drink on Mon & Tues but lately that's not the case.....
My husband is a functional alcoholic by functional I mean he is up and working every day even sometimes 7 days as week. He is a very, very hard and good worker. But after work is when the problems start - He always has to make pit stops on his way home and they ALWAYS include alcohol. Lately people (side jobs) have been buying him Jack Daniels (I hate when he drinks this) and he will go and just take straight shots out of the bottle this is when he gets drunk..... I stated above that he learnt about driving however he will still have a few (which is a few too many when it would be your 3rd charge) and drives home which I get extremely upset about and I always tell him he could lose EVERYTHING for us.... We own investment property and a single family home together.... We have no children yet....
So I'm trying a new thing I am writing a journal daily for 2 weeks for him to see how his alcohol is affecting my life daily..
You are not alone, I could have written almost exactly the same thing. My husband is also highly functioning and great at his job, but since he works shiftwork, he has up to 6 days off at a time while I am working, and he'll start drinking at 10 in the morning. By the time I get home he is slurring and stumbling around which always made me so angry.
If you have not gone to an Al-anon meeting yet, I recommend trying it. It is suggested that you go to at least 6 meetings before deciding if it is for you or not. It has made a world of difference for me - I'm learning to let him make his own choices and I have to focus on me. Easier said than done, but I am taking baby steps. You can do it too.
Reading your post I almost thought I wrote it. Other then, We have been married 13 years, together 17 years. we have two beautiful daughters.. I am new to this, but have already discoved a new dependency.. The people here! They are the best! talking helps, emotional, but helps. I know the best step I can take is getting to a face 2 face meeting. And I am actually starting to look forward to it rather then be scared. I have thought of the journal too, but for some reason, my sick mind kept me from it. I so hope you find your peace. Maybe in time we can write the greatest come back post of all time.. We can pray.. I wish you luck.
Welcome to MIP... I hope that your journal is ultimately for you, to see the damage that his addiction is causing you, and helps you choose recovery for YOU. Doing a journal for him is likely an exercise in futility - he doesn't really need "proof" that he has a problem (and he likely won't believe you when you tell him he does). The Three C's tell us that we "didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it", and they are so true.... You can't "cause his sobriety" anymore than you can "cause his drunkeness"...
There is a handy old saying: "he will either drink, or he won't... what are YOU gonna do?"
Take care of you, and please choose recovery for yourself... (posting here, reading, going to Al-Anon meetings, etc)
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Well done, Courage, for recognising that he is, indeed a functional alocoholic. I have been married for nearly 38 years and didn't really come to terms with AH's alcoholism until about 5 years ago when he was well and truly dependent on it and definitely not functioning. (Like not being able to get up in morning without a slurp from scotch bottle) Maybe I should have gone on at him a lot sooner - but that's just useless blaming of myself. Welcome to MIP - there is a lot of support here - you are amongst people who understand what you are going through. If I had discovered Alanon 5 years ago, things may be different for me now. Go to meetings, hear what others have to say - and above all, look after yourself - you are the important one and you are worth it!
Welcome to MIP, you are not alone. Most members of this board have walked are still walking in your shoes. Alocholism is a powerful, baffling, cunning, and often deadly disease. It is also progressive as you are experiencing, "He used not to drink on Mon. and Tue. but lately that is not the case.....
For years I used the same term as you in describing my Alocholic. I described her as a functioning Alocholic. I think that only made me feel better in describing her that way. After several years of using that description I ceased using it for two reasons. #One, the disease continued to take over more and more of her life and she was anything but functional. The disease will win everytime. Have you ever stood in the middle of the tracks and tried to stop a moving train? I have, it does not work. #Two, there are numerous types of Alocholics but they all suffer from the same disease, "Alocholicism" no matter how we define it.
Writing in your daily journal will reinforce what you already know, your life is being affected by the disease of alocholism. My strong suggestion to you is to get to as many f2f Al-Anon meetings as possible the sooner the better. That is where you will find the help and support you need and deserve. That will be the best thing you can possibly do for yourself, and the best way to take care of yourself. Start your recovery now.
Thank you everyone for your posts..... It feels good to get input from people who've are / been there too.... I am going to look for some meetings in our area so that I can attend and see what it's all about.
Good luck to you! For me, the hardest part was stepping through the door of that first Al-Anon meeting. After that, I felt like I was walking in to a room of friends. Hang in there!
Advice? Go to meetings, read the literature, find a sponsor. You will find a lot of people willing to help.
!!!